


A Life With The One

by Wanderer44



Series: Xan & Jay [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: ABDL, Age Play, Age Regression/De-Aging, Anorexia, Bed-Wetting, Diapers, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Infantilism, Little, Love, M/M, Pacifiers, Past Abuse, bottles, ddlb, littlespace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-02-04 10:38:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18602833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wanderer44/pseuds/Wanderer44
Summary: Xan and Jay are living together and things are finally settling for the two of them





	1. The Reward Day Out

"Daddyyyyy." Xan whined as he bounced on the spot. "We're going to be laaaate."

"I'm coming sweetie." Jay replied tucking wipes in the diaper bag.

Xan was waiting by the front door, Bear in hand with his shoes on ready to go. He had traded in his gold stars for a day out and he was anxious to get going. He was wearing his comfy green hoodie with his ice cream tshirt underneath and his blue baggy shorts that comfortably hid his diaper from view. Jay finished tucking the wipes in the fully stocked diaper bag and grabbed his keys. 

"Okay sweetie, let's go." Jay smiled as he clicking the key opening the SUV.

Xan ran out and dove into the front seat, clicking in the belt and holding Bear in his lap. Jay set the diaper bag by Xan's feet and started the engine. He clicked in his seatbelt and they set off. Xan was even happier than usual, singing to the radio, pointing things out as they drove through town and playing with Bear in his lap.

"How far away are we?" Xan asked anxiously.

"Not too far now, about 10 more minutes." Jay smirked at Xan's tone.

As they pulled into the carpark, Xan was practically fizzing on the spot. He wanted to jump out and run to the entrance. 

Jay put his hand on Xan's thigh. "Here we are." He smiled. "Nice and calm now sweetie okay?" 

Xan took a deep breathe and nodded, trying to calm himself down. They got out of the car and Jay slid Bear into the diaper bag and pulled the strap over his shoulder, then locked the SUV. He took Xan's hand and they walked up the the entrance. He held onto Xan tight as the younger man pulled him along to the ticket window. 

"Hi welcome to Chester Zoo! How can I help you today?" The happy woman in the ticket window smiled brightly.

"2 tickets pleaaase!" Xan sang gleefully.

Jay paid and thanked the ticket lady. Xan was already pulling him by the hand through the entrance. 

"Hold on mister. Here I got you a map." Jay said trying to slow his excited little down.

Xan gasped and opened up the map. "Can we go here?" He pointed to the monkey enclosure.

"Of course, we can go everywhere sweetie."

Xan beamed a big smile and led them off to their first attraction. 

"Look!" Xan exclaimed. "Elephants!"

He bounded over to the railing and stared in wonder as the large mammals roamed their encosure. Jay made his way over and stood next to Xan, he smiled as he saw the amazement on Xan's face. He put his hand on top of Xan's head. 

Once they had seen the Elephants Jay asked Xan. "Where to next mister navigator?" 

"Monkeys!" 

"But I already have a monkey right here!" Jay joked as he tickled Xan.

Xan burst into a fit of giggles and ran off towards the Monkey house. Jay beamed seeing Xan so happy and carefree. They made their way through the Monkey house and up through the trail, with Xan making sure he could see every animal there was including the wild bunny rabbits that roamed through the park. 

"Oooh look Xan, that looks like some sort of Bear over there!" Jay pointed out in the next enclosure. 

"Daddy It's Paddington!" He gushed, running up to the fence. 

"Wow, are you sure?" Jay asked as he looked up at the bear sitting on the large tree trunk.

"Yep! He is a spectacled bear from South America just like Paddington." 

"Huh." Jay said surprised.

He thought he shouldn't be surprised really, Xan was a very smart guy and he loved bears of all kinds. They had made their way around almost half the zoo, when Jay's stomach started to rumble. 

"Hey Xan? Theres a picnic area over there how about we grab something to eat and have a sit down?" 

"Mmm okay." Xan reluctantly agreed. "Can I have some fruit?"

"Let's go see what they have." Jay smiled and led Xan into the cafe with a guiding hand on his lower back.

They settled at a picnic table outside in the shade, with some sandwiches fruit and cookies for afterwards. The busy day and long walk had meant that even Xan was hungry. He ate his share of the food without any fuss and was raring to go. 

"Can we go to the butterfly house now?" Xan said boucning in his seat.

"Hmm,  let me check you first. You might need a change." Jay said as he stood up behind Xan.

It was quiet enough in the zoo that, no-one would notice a quick diaper check. It didn't stop Xan from blushing and hiding his face though.

"Okay a quick change and we're off again!" Jay said making light of the situation.

They went into the family bathroom and Jay set the diaper bag down, then turned to help Xan lay down on the bench. First he handed Bear to Xan, he found that it calmed Xan down in unfamiliar places and he needed that more when being changed. Jay chatted about the animals they had seen so far, to distract Xan from embarressment while he made quick work of changing him. Once finished Xan got to his feet and Jay pulled up his shorts for him. 

Xan wrapped his arms around Jay. "Thankyou." He murmured as he hugged Jay.

"You're always welcome baby boy." Jay said softly, cuddling Xan. "Now then, shall we go see some butterflies?"

"Yeah!" Xan cheered and they set off.

As the day went on, they made their way through the zoo visting the tropical realm, through the chimpanzees and into the Madagascar zone. Along the way Jay snapped a couple of pictures of Xan with a bright smile looking at the animals. Jay's favourite though, was a picture of them both infront of the Flamingo's that an old couple had happily helped them take. The background was beautiful and both of their expressions were of pure, genuine happiness. The perfect picture. 

They were at the parrot habitat and trying to spot each species as they sat happily in their tree's and bushes. Happily they had found almost all of them with relative ease.

"Oh! There it is over that bush there look, can you see?" Jay asked pointing out the last one on their list.

Xan stood on his tiptoes but couldn't quite see over the thick foliage in his way.

"Daddy I can't see." Xan said feeling dissapointed.

Before the feeling had time to resonate, Jay lifted Xan up by his armpits as high as he could manage. Xan was surprised by being lifted up, but his shock turned to joy as he managed to spot the last parrot that he needed to see.

"There he is! On that branch." He called out.

Jay swooped Xan down back onto his own two feet. "Excellent, that's all of them." Jay beamed at Xan.

Xan grabbed Jay tight in a cuddle. It was Jay's turn to feel surprised. He smiled to himself and rubbed Xan's back. They walked out towards the next animal arm in arm, until Xan saw what was next. He gasped and ran as fast as his legs could carry him.

"Xan! Wait for me." Jay called after him.

"Look! Come quick!" 

Jay sped up and caught up to Xan, who was standing at the wooden guard rail looking up into the sky. At the top of a tree inside the enclosure a red panda was peeking over the edge looking down at where Xan and Jay were standing. 

Xan gasped and whispered to Jay. "She's looking at us!"

Jay patted his overly excited boyfriends head. Xan locked eyes with his new furry friend, completely transfixed on the animal. The curious animal came down from his perch, slowly decending down the tree to the grass below. 

"Can you take a picture?" Xan whispered to Jay, still staring at the red panda.

"Of course." 

Jay fumbled with his phone, opening the camera up. As he zoomed in a little and adjusted the focus the little mammal stood up on his back legs, trying to get a better look at her viewers. Much to Xan's amazement his new friend seemed very intrigued by the two men watching her. Jay was able to snap a few good shots of Xan's new favourite animal, that he would show his little one back at home. 

"I think she likes you sweetie." Jay said nudging Xan gently.

"I like her too." Xan chuckled looking at her with wide eyes. 

Jay stood with his arm around Xan as the younger man happily watched the red panda move around her enclosure. They stood for almost 20 minutes before the mammal dissapeared into her house. They made their way off to the rest of the habitats left in the zoo, while Xan enjoyed seeing the other animals he kept talking about his new friend and telling Jay every fact he knew about red pandas. Jay smiled happy that his little one was having such a great time on his treat outing. 

After just over 5 hours they had seen every inch of the zoo and every animal that they could. Xan was starting to get worn out and the hyper bouncy Xan was gone for the day.

"How about we visit the gift shop? Yeah?" Jay suggested.

"Yeah! Can we buy something?" Xan cheered, feeling a little giddy.

"Hmm..." Jay teased. "Well I suppose if you can find something you really like..."

Xan sped off with Jay in tow, into the gift shop. It was a huge shop, with every kind of animal as far as Xan could see. There were posters, magnets, cups, books, flags, stickers, sweets, puzzles and lots of assorted knick knacks. But Xan wasn't interested in those, he went straight for the cuddly toy section. They had all different sizes of all different animals. He was lost in a sea of plushes, not sure which one was best, the giraffe was really cool with its long neck but the lion also looked good with his big mane of hair.

Jay patted Xan on the shoulder snapping him out of his daze. "See anything you like sweetie?"

"I.. er.. im not sure." Xan said alittle overwhelmed with the variety of choice.

"Well.... how about this one?" Jay recommended.

Drawing Xan's attention to a large, soft red panda plush. He handed it to Xan and the little one held it in both hands, smiling brightly at the toy Jay had picked out.

"He's perfect. Can I get him?" He asked looking up at Jay with big bright eyes.

"Yes you can." Jay said stroking Xan's cheek.

It was all Xan needed to make him feel safe. He followed Jay through the shop clutching his new soft friend tight to his chest.

"Hey, how about this? You could hang it at home." Jay said pulling out a poster.

"I can get both?!" Xan said feeling shocked.

Jay nodded, reassuring him. As they went to pay, Xan followed along closely behind Jay.

"Hand it to the lady sweetie." 

Xan looked up at the smiling woman behind the counter and gingerly handed over the plush. With a quick beep of the barcode she handed it back to Xan. He blissfully cuddled his new toy, while Jay paid. They left the park bidding a quick goodbye to the people at the exit and walked towards the large carpark. Jay noticed his little one was dragging his feet and lagging behind.

"You okay sweetie?" Jay asked. He saw the telltale tiredness in Xan's eyes. "A little worn out, baby?" 

Xan nodded. Jay came back to where Xan had all but stopped on the spot and scooped up his worn out adventurer. Normally Xan would be too shy to be carried in public, but his tiredness overwhelmed his embarressment today. He lay his head on Jay's shoulder as he was carried through the carpark. 

Jay buckled him into his seat and set the diaper bag at his feet. Xan was snuggling with his red panda when he saw Bear poking out of the bag at his feet. Soon all 3 were cuddling in the passenger seat as Jay pulled out of the parking space. They hadn't even made it out of the parking lot before Xan had fallen asleep. As they waited in traffic, Jay looked over at his little one slumped in his seat with a thumb hanging from his mouth and a two cuddly bears sat comfortably in his lap. 

It was such a cute scene, it made Jay feel warm inside as he remembered all the smiles and giggles from the day. Making Xan happy was Jay's favourite thing to do.


	2. A Little Dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their zoo trip, Xan is worn out

After the busy day at the zoo Xan had fallen asleep on the ride home. Jay pulled into the driveway slowly and shut off the engine. Though he had no need to be so gentle, his little one was fast asleep. He decided to carry Xan in, rather than wake him up. With Xan in his arms he fumbled with the door key. Jay kicked off his shoes and closed the door behind them, he cuddled Xan a little before laying him on the sofa to nap. First he took off Xan's shoes, then put the paci that was left on the coffee table into Xan's mouth before covering the sleeping little and his bears in a soft blanket. His favourite purple super soft blanket, it was never far away ready to be grabbed whenever Xan wanted it.  
Once Xan as all bundled up, Jay set about unpacking, he stood the poster inside Xan's studio and took the diaper bag upstairs. Setting it down in the playroom, before going off to freshen up.  
  


_"Hello there Xan!" said the fluffy long tailed monkey._

_"Hmm?" Xan said looking at him on the perch by the entrance._

_"Please go right in!" The monkey said happily._

_As Xan walked into the room, he saw it was filled with lots of animals. Just like the ones he met at the zoo, there were trees and plants, grass and dirt. The birds and small animals hopped from branch to plant and all over the large room. There was a gorilla and an orangutan having a conversation, which they briefly stopped to say helllo and welcome to Xan._

_Xan looked at them with big eyes and waved. Then one by one the other animals greeted Xan, some even coming to take him by the hand and lead him to the forest chair they had waiting for him. The lion, tiger, leopard and black jaguar came one by one with smiles as Xan stroked them on their heads. The elephant reached down with his long trunk and gently stroked Xan's cheek, making the young man giggle._

_They all chatted about the lovely colours around them andthe sweet smells of the flowers. Then there was a noise in the tree above Xan, just behind him above his head. He spun around the look at the leaves rustling, when out popped a familiar fuzzy face._

_"Hi." The shy mammal said. "Could I come sit with you?"_

_Xan gasped with a happy bright face. "Yeah! Of course."_

_The fuzzy red panda slowly made his way down into Xan's lap and sat looking up at him. Xan gently brushed his hand over the big bushy tail._

_"It's really pretty and so soft!"_

_The red panda stood up on his back legs and sniffed at Xan's nose and hair. Xan giggled as the red pandas whiskers tickled him. Once the red panda finished he decided Xan was his friend and they should play together._

_"Tag! You're it!" The red panda nudged Xan gently and left off laughing._

_"Im going to catch you!" Xan giggled as he ran along after him._  
  


Jay sat on the sofa next to Xan after a quick wash and a fresh set of comfy clothes. He sipped at his hot cup of coffee as he was flicking through emails on his laptop. Next to him Xan stirred from his slumber, rolling onto his back and slowly opening his eyes.

Jay reached his hand to Xan's cheek, stroking it with his thumb. "Hi sleepy boy. Did you have a nice nap?"

Xan nodded as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. His paci still bobbing between his lips. "I 'as dream'ng of the ani'als."

"You were?" Jay said sweetly as he ran his fingers through Xan's hair.

Jay set his laptop down on the table as Xan wriggled his way up and climbed into Jay's lap. He quickly settled snuggling into Jay's chest.

"Shall we get you changed?" Jay asked, knowing the little one most likely needed a diaper change.

Jay lifted his little one up after he agreed and carried him up to the playroom, swinging him and making silly sound effects along the way which delighted his little one. Xan stood in the playroom and stripped off his shirt, hoodie and shorts while Jay set out the changing supplies. He then sat on the floor pulling at all the onesie's he had folded in a neat pile.

"What are you doing there mister?" 

Xan held up one of his favourite onesie's up to Jay, while the rejected choices lay scattered around him. Jay stifled a laugh as he took the onesie from Xan.

"Okay sweetie, on the change mat and lets get you nice and dry." Jay said with a smile.

Xan was happy to lay down to be changed because it was starting to get uncomfortable. Jay made quick work of cleaning Xan up, he was starting to become very effecient in the diaper duties. Xan pulled his desired onesie over his head with a big smile behind his paci. Jay helped him do the poppers up over his diapered crotch. 

"All done!" He cheered.

"Yep, all clean and changed." Jay agreed.

Xan bounded off and stood by the cuddle chair bouncing on his heels, waiting for Jay to come over. 

"Is it cuddle time?" Jay asked as he flicked on the small radio that was on the windowsil.

"Yeah!" He cheered.

Jay got comfy in the big cushioned chair and Xan happily climbed onto his lap.

"Do I get a kiss?" Jay asked.

Xan pulled his paci out and gave Jay soft kisses on his lips. 

"Thankyou so much! I had the bestest day."

"Im so glad sweetie. You had a great big smile all day long, didn't you?" 

"Yeah it was so fun!" 

They snuggled together talking about their fun filled day out, although Xan did most of the talking. Jay was just happy to listen to the enthusiastic little as he listed off all the animals and his favourites things about each one. Of course he spoke in length reminiscing about his new friend and told Jay about the dream he was having during his nap. How he was playing chase with all the animals and they all wanted to be his friend. 

Then an idea popped into Xan's head, a small way to say thankyou for his reward day out.

"Oh!" He jumped as the idea came to him. "Imma cook you a nice dinner!" He beamed a big happy smile at Jay.

"Oooo thankyou!" 

As Jay started to daydream about what he might be getting for dinner, the little one hopped off his lap and dissapeared down the hallway and downstairs. Jay chuckled as he stood, he stretched and flicked off the radio before following Xan's path down to the kitchen. 

"No no noooo." Xan sung playfully as he stopped Jay from entering the kitchen. "Not allowed in."

"Oh a surprise is it?" Jay was curious.

"Yep!" 

Xan pulled a kitchen stool into the doorway and sat his trusty companion Bear on it to guard the kitchen. 

"Okay okay" Jay laughed. "Call me if you need anything okay? I'll be on the sofa, just here."

Xan watched Jay sit down first before he deemed it safe to start on dinner. Xan put his meat n the oven and started washing and chopping vegetables, while in the other room Jay had got back to replying to his emails.

  
-Hey guys! Hope youre doing good  
Daisy and I would like invite you to a day out in the woods next saturday, im bringing a picnic so  let me know if you would like anything specific. We're looking forward to seeing you  
Jen-

-Hi, that sounds like a lovely idea. We would be glad to come. As for food Xan loves his fruit and apple juice. I will bring his sippy cup. Do you want me to pick you guys up? Easier than taking two cars.  
Jay-

  
Meanwhile the kitchen was alive, the meat was cooking away nicely, the saucepan was steaming the vegeatbles and Xan was busy making his gravy jus. The smell had wafted its way into the living room and had made Jay salivate. His stomach's grumbling was making it hard to focus on much else. He walked up the the guard at the kitchen door.

"Excuse me Sir Bear, am I allowed in yet?" 

Xan chuckled and bounced over to Jay, wrapping his arms around him in a tight cuddle. "Yeah it's almost ready, come sit at the table."

As they sat and tucked in, Jay realized this was the same meal that made him fall in love with Xan's cooking. The topside of beef with roast mushrooms and winter vegetables drizzled with his homemade red wine jus. The first bite brought the memories of that first time flooding back as the flavour burst over his tastebuds. The dinner went by in a blur of amazing tastes and very happy memories for Jay. Once he finished there wasnt even a crumb left on the plate. 

Xan watched Jay as he ate, it made him happy seeing the blissful expression on his face. Jay put his knife and fork down on his empty plate and leaned over planting a sweet kiss on Xan's cheek.

"Thankyou sweetie. My master little chef." Jay was so satisfied.

Xan smiled and took the plates to the sink ready to be washed. Jay stood behind Xan and turned him to face him. Jay planted a kiss on Xan's lips.

"I love you Xan." Jay said as he broke from the kiss.

He cuddled him tightly to his chest, resting his head ontop of Xan's and breathing in his little ones scent. Xan felt a little flush, his heart was beating fast hearing Jay say those words to him. Xan was so happy he could cry.


	3. Xan Gets A Big Contract

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xan gets his first big piece of work since the studio fire

Jay was quietly getting ready for work. It was early monday morning and after their wonderful weekend it was proving hard to go back to the daily grind. He was just grabbing his coat from the wardrobe, when Xan's phone rang startling him.

Xan's head popped up from the pillow. "Hello?" He answered in his sleepy voice.

"This is he... yes... I am.... The movie set? Yes.... What size?... Okay, let me just grab a pen please. Thankyou one second."   
Xan scrambled in the draw for his pad of paper and a pen. "Okay and it was 60' by 48'... wow.. and SORRY?!..... You were offering how much!?... Oh!.. Yes I would be happy to!... And the deadline?... Okay... Yes, your address?...  I will come by later. Thankyou very much!" With that Xan hung up the phone.

Jay looked over at the younger man, smiling at his bed head. "That sounded like good news."

Xan looked over at Jay with very tired eyes. "Are you back from work?" 

"No sweetie it's still very early." He explained.

"That was a job offer! They want me to paint a huge piece and have it ready for Saturday!" 

"That's excellent news sweetie! I knew you would get some work offers soon." Jay was thrilled.

"They want to pay me £4000! Jay that's more than i've ever been paid before!" 

Jay walked around to Xan's sode of the bed. "Sweetie thats amazing!" 

Jay stroked Xan's cheek and kissed him on the forehead. "I know you will make something excellent. I have to head to work now okay? Get some sleep and i'll ring you at lunch, you can tell me all about how it's going. Im so proud of you baby." 

Xan flopped back down on the pillows with a great big smile on his face. Happy that Jay was proud of him and he had a big art contract, it was going to be an awesome day.

Jay drove to work, feeling very proud and happy for Xan. It was his first major piece of work since the studio tragedy. It was going to be a busy week for Xan, but Jay would make sure to look after him and keep his little one happy.

Xan woke up at half past 9 and got himself ready to go out. He was going to collect the brief and pick up the canvas. He walked to the office where he was to pick up the contract and brief in the warm spring sun. Xan spoke confidently and clearly as he met with the client. It didn't take long after he presented them with a few ideas and agreed to keep them updated with the progress each day. The meeting only added to his enthusiasm and he set off to buy the canvas with a skip in his step.

After he brought the canvas he realized just how big it was. Xan had to call a cab to get it home and even as the taxi arrived it was a bit of a struggle to fit it inside. Luckily though the driver was kind enough to even help Xan carry it into the house. As he put the canvas in its place in the art room, he stood back and took in the scale of the project before him.

"This is going to take some work." He said to himself.

His mind had already started picturing different ideas and aspects of the piece. He opened his laptop up on the desk and set about his research. Before long his phone rang.

"Hey sweetie, how are you doing?" 

"Hi, i'm doing good, I met with the client and picked up my brief. Oh and the canvas." 

"That was quick! Good for you. So what have you got to paint?" Jay had been curious all morning.

"Oh it's going to be a difficult one, I've got to paint a futuristic landscape and add in all these little details for this production company's 20th year of business. The canvas is so so big and the deadline is so short. I hope I can do it in time, it's a lot of work." Xan explained starting to worry.

Jay could tell he was starting to panic a little. "You can do it sweetie. You are more capable than you realize, if you start to feel overwhelmed take deep breaths and ring me okay? Make your plan like you usually do and take it from there."

"Yeah you're right. I can do it, it's no different from the others.. yeah." Xan took some deep breaths, sending the panic far away. "I've got some research to do, then I will start sketching I think. Do you mind taking care of dinner tonight?" 

"Of course sweetie. Anything you need." 

Throughout the day Xan made good progress after Jay's pep talk. It was just like always, the artistic passion and inspiration flowed out of him onto the waiting canvas. Xan lost all concept of time, he was completely immersed in his work. He had sent pictures to the client and once he recieved posative feedback, he began to paint. 

Jay got home a little earlier than usual, he wanted to see Xan and check up on him. 

"Xan i'm home!" Jay called as he dropped his keys in the bowl and tidied away his shoes.

Xan popped out of his art room. He had his hair tied up into a high ponytail and was wearing  his old loose fitting tshirt that had dark spoltches and streaks of dried paint dotted over it. There were pencil smudges and paint flecks all over his pale hands. Seeing Jay brought a calm happy smile to his face.

"Hi, did you have a good day?" He asked as he cuddled Jay.

"I did thankyou sweetie." Jay kissed the top of Xan's head. "How are you getting on?"

"Come and see." 

Xan showed Jay the progress he had made and Jay only had nice things to say as he always did. He gave him his end time for the day, he didn't want Xan to overwork himself on the first day and besides he was sure would want some cuddle time. 

After they had eaten dinner Xan went back to his canvas for a short while longer. Jay decided Xan should have a bath to help wash away all the paint and help him relax for the night. He ran a warm bath adding lots of bubbles and the most important thing, the rubber ducks. Then went off to get Xan.

"Come on sweetie, let's get you in the bath." Jay said patting Xan on his head.

"Alright. I'm pretty much done with the base layer anyway." 

Xan followed Jay up to the bathroom and the older man helped him take off his dirty clothes. Jay gently undid his ponytail for him as Xan climbed into the comforting bubbly bath.

"Do you want me to stay?" Jay asked.

Xan smiled and nodded. "Yes pleaseee."

Jay pulled the small stool they kept in the bathroom, next to the bath so he could sit with Xan. He watched at first, while Xan washed himself but before too long Xan was distracted and started playing with the rubber ducks so Jay took over washing Xan's hair for him, using his favourite strawberry scented shampoo. After rinsing it all out Xan asked to get out. 

Jay got Xan dry and changed into his nighttime attire. Xan chose his favourite diaper a PeekABU and a sleeper with colourful stars. 

"Let's go settle on the sofa yeah?" Jay suggested.

"Mmm... can I play cars first?" 

As Jay nodded, Xan grabbed his box of cars and ran off downstairs. While Jay was sitting comfortably on the sofa watching the tv, Xan was playing with his toy cars. But it didn't take long before the allure of Jay's lap became too strong. He left his cars where they were and made his way over to the sofa. 

Jay smiled and held his arms out to Xan. "Come cuddle baby boy."

Xan snuggled into his favourite place. Jay held him tight, taking in the sweet strawberry scent that Xan loved. They watched a couple of tv programs together but as the second one drew to a close Jay noticed that Xan had fallen asleep on his shoulder. After working so hard today Jay wasn't surprised. It was such a peaceful moment having his little one snuggled asleep on his lap, Jay felt so content.

The rest of the week was very simular. Xan's tight deadline meant he would work on the painting during the day and into the evening. Jay would make sure he was eating and drinking enough and at 7pm Jay would stop Xan for the day. Xan was thankful really, he would get lost in his work. Quite often before he met Jay he would lose track of time to the point where the building caretaker would tell him that he was locking up and it was time to leave. And he wouldn't eat or drink enough when he was immersed in big projects, sometimes to the point where he would get ill. Nothing too serious but he would get a little dehydrated and light headed.

As friday wore on Xan was getting lethargic during the day, the hard work and the long hours he put into it were catching up with him. Jay got home and could tell Xan was stressed and getting cranky. 

"Here sweetie, I brought you a drink." Jay said stroking his back.

"Thankyou." Xan leaned back against him as Jay hugged him. "I think it's almost d.."

He was cut off by his phone ringing and vibrating on the desk. He sighed and reached over to answer it. Jay could tell by the conversation it wasn't going to be an easy night for Xan. 

"Jay." Xan said feeling deflated and turning to look at him. 

Jay could see the eye bags under Xan's eyes and the exhausted expression on his face.

"They want it tonight."

"That's alright sweetie, you can do it." Jay cuddled Xan and kissed his forehead. "You're almost done, then tomorrow we can have a nice day out can't we?" 

"Yeah, but you don't mind?" Xan asked feeling bad for working into the night.

"No sweetie. I don't mind. You finish and call me if you need anything okay? I'll be right here." 

Jay was very understanding and only wanted to help Xan however he could. Over the course of the evening, Jay brought Xan his dinner into the art room so he could eat and kept bringing him drinks making sure he kept hydrated. It was just past 11 at night when Xan got himself ready and packed up his canvas. He walked into the front room, where Jay was snoozing on the sofa and gently nudged him.

"Jay? I have to go drop this off now."

Jay jumped awake. "Oh Xan, sorry.... I fell asleep. What time is it? Do you need me to drive you?" 

Even though Jay offered, he wasn't really awake enough to drive. Xan wouldn't want to put Jay out anyway.

"It's almost 11:20pm. No they are sending a van to pick me up. I just have to go show them, before they unveil it tomorrow at their anniversary party." 

Jay got up and cuddled Xan. 

"You can go to bed." Xan said. "I'll join you as soon as i'm back."

Jay thought about declining, but he really was tired. So reluctantly after Xan was picked up, Jay went to bed. He fully planned on waiting for Xan before he fell fast asleep, but as midnight came and went he found himself drifting off to sleep.

Jay was awoken by Xan falling into bed. He looked over at the clock on the bedside table and it read 02:47.

"Sweetie? Did you just get back?" 

"Yea..." Xan weakly replied.

Jay looked over at Xan through heavy eyes to see his little one wearing just his diaper, laying on his stomach sprawled out on the bed. A trail of disgarded clothes and items littered the path Xan took to bed. Jay covered him with the blanket and pulled him into a cuddle. Xan was fast asleep seconds after his head hit the pillow. Jay spooned Xan feeling his warmth against him and the steady rhythm of Xan's breathing was sending him off to a peaceful sleep.


	4. Off To The Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys and girls go out for a picnic in the woods

The warm sunshine beamed through the kitchen windows and ontp Jay as he washed some leftover cups. It was nearing midday and Xan was still in bed. Jay wanted to let him sleep after his very late night, but they would have to go out soon so he climbed the stairs to go and wake Xan. As he walked into the bedroom, Xan was curled up in the covers and just his head was poking out. His long hair was all over the place, but the look on his face was peaceful.

Jay knelt down beside the bed, laying his face on the mattress near Xan's. 

"Xaaaaan." He sang quietly as he gently brushed the hair out of his face.

Xan scrunched up his face and tried to hide under the toasty covers. 

Xan let out a little whine as he opened up one eye. "Daddy?" He whispered.

"Yeah baby. Time to get up now sleepy boy." Jay stroked Xan's head as he started to wake up. "We have to go out soon, remember?"

"To Pooh bears woods?"

Jay chuckled. "Yeah, to Pooh bear's woods. With Jenny and Daisy. That'll be fun right?"

Xan nodded, finally letting go of the covers and allowing Jay to pull them back. After a few more minutes, he stood up from the bed and Jay ushered him into the bathroom. Xan stood infront of the sink brushing his teeth, while Jay started to tame his hair for him. 

"Daddy?"

"Yes sweetie?"

"Can Bear come too?" 

"Of course he can. Do you think he would like to meet Daisy's Unicorn?" 

"Mmm... i'll ask him." Xan said as he thought about it.

Jay chuckled and hugged Xan tight. "Let's get you changed sweetie, you're soaked." 

He kissed Xan on the top of his head and led him by the hand into the playroom. As Xan lay on the changing mat he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. His thumb crept its way into his mouth, Jay knew Xan was due a regression. After a big project it was like clockwork, after he finished a job he would regress and get rid of all the stress he had built up.  
After Jay diapered Xan he packed the diaper bag next to him, ready for their outing. He turned and Xan was still laying on the mat waiting for Jay to tell him what was next. He smiled down at his little one, pulled his thumb out and replaced it with a paci that was handy.

"Let's get dressed little one."

They went into the bedroom and Jay pulled out some clothes for Xan to choose from. He chose his Pooh bear tshirt, green trousers and a navy hoodie with patches on. Jay got himself dressed into some casual wear and turned to find Xan sat on the floor playing with Bear. It made him happy to see Xan so carefree.

"Right then sweetie. Is there anything you want to bring with us?"

Xan held up Bear towards Jay.

"Ha okay. Just Bear." Jay thought it was such a sweet thing to see. "Come on then sweetie, let's go get our shoes on."

Xan chose his slip on shoes and put them on, then waiited for Jay to tie his own laces. 

"Oh before we go, let me grab you a drink sweetie. You must be thirsty huh?"

"Mhmm." Xan replied. His paci still in his mouth.

Jay clicked Xan's seatbelt in and handed him his sippy cup full of juice. He slid the diaper bag down by Xan's feet and got himself in the drivers side. Bear sat on Xan's lap looking after his paci as they drove to Jenny's place to pick their friends up. as they pulled up outside Jay honked the horn. A few moments later Daisy skipped out of the front door, with her backpack on and swinging her unicorn freely. She was followed by Jenny who had a great big bag full of picnic food and a couple of blankets. 

"Hey Jay! Hi Xan!" Daisy said loudly as she got into her seat.

Xan was content drinking his juice and waved to greet Daisy.

"Hiya, ready for a day in the woods?" Jay asked.

"Yep! Im gonna climb a tree!" 

"Hmm, does Jen know?" Jay questioned.

"Err.. maybe." Daisy shyly replied.

Jay made a dissaproving noise. Jenny loaded her bag in the boot and got into her seat behind Xan. 

"Hello. Hi munchkin." She said as she reached forward and tickled Xan, making the young man giggle loudly.

"Everybody's in, time to go!" Jay announced as he drove on. 

They parked up and everyone got out, Daisy was showing Xan her unicorn while Jay helped Jenny with her bag. They set off down the quiet trail, with Daisy racing ahead, Xan following behind her and Jay and Jenny bringing up the rear. Daisy was out of view when she yelled that she had found the picnic spot. Xan was now walking holding Jay's hand and clutching Bear in his other. 

They arrived at a shaded clearing, there were two small trails leading away from it and logs around that would made good seats. Whiile the adults were setting the blankets out, Daisy was rushing around flying her unicorn and throwing it in the air. Xan had spotted a bird in the tree above him and was sat on the log, staring straight up and wattching it. 

"Okay lunch is ready! Dase come sit down please." Jenny announced.

Jay sat on one end of the blanket and held his arns out to Xan. Xan shuffled over looking at Jay with those big bright eyes and his paci still bobbing away in his mouth. He sat inbetween Jay's legs, as Jay plated some food up for them to tuck into. He was reluctant to give up his paci, but he let Jay take it once his eyes caught sight of the grapes.  
Jenny smiled watching their interaction, it was very sweet and she could tell just how much they cared for each other. She was really surprised at how much Jay had taken to Xan. In all the time she had known Jay he had had maybe a total of 2 boyfriends and the longest had lasted a month. It hadn't bothered her really, she had thought Jay just wasn't the kind to get tied down. But since he had met Xan, she noticed a change in Jay. He was more relaxed, he was happier and he just seemed so comfortable with how his life was now. 

"Hey daydreamer, if you don't eat soon a certain someone will have finished everything for you." Jay joked.

Jenny snapped out of her daze. "Oh right haha."

"Oi! Meany!" Daisy screeched.

They laughed together as Jenny tucked in to her lunch. Daisy looked around at what was left, trying to decide what she wanted next. Jay was encouraging Xan to eat some bites of sandwich, as he ate his own. Before long though Xan had his wall and started to get fussy and refuse to eat anymore.

"Daddy nooooo not hungry. No no noo." Xan whined as he pushed Jay's hand away.

"Okay, you did pretty well. Here." Jay handed Xan his sippy cup, which had been refilled.

Xan happily took it and it seemed to settle him while the others finished their lunch. Jenny packed what little they had left over away and Jay put all the rubbish into a bag. 

"Daddy, I think I need a change." Xan whispered to Jay feeling shy.

"Alright sweetie. I'll change you back at the car okay?" Jay said giving Xan a wink.

"How about we put all this in the car and freshen up. Then go for a walk on the trail?" Jay announced to everyone. 

Jenny agreed and knew what he meant. A little secret code by the 'bigs'. As they were walking back to the car, she asked Daisy if she needed a fresh pull up. When Daisy blushed she knew the answer. 

"That's okay, we will just grab one from your bag." Jenny reassured her.

As they got back, Daisy grabbed her backpack and headed with Jenny to the bathroom. Jay unpacked the changing supplied and laid Xan on the backseat. Even though there was no-one around and he was quite well hidden in the big SUV, he still felt shy and nervous as Jay changed him. Once they finished Jay tidied away the supplies and held Xan.

He thought the cuddle would calm him after his change. Jenny came out of the toilet with Daisy in tow, Daisy was being a little shy, just like Xan was.

"Let's go!" Jenny said enthusiastically.

They all started the trail together. The way was easy to follow as there were two routes a long one marked with red and the shorter version was blue. There were two paths and every 10 metres there was a marker of some sort with either red or blue. 

Daisy and Xan were happy running off and playing with sticks, chasing each other and playing all sorts of games. Jenny and Jay walked together and chatted, they were due a catch up or some 'adult' time. Jay had been put in charge of carrying Bear as Xan ran off having fun. They were so happy talking that they as Jenny and Jay got to the cross in the paths, they looked around, to see if they could see Xan or Daisy.

"Daisy! Xan!" Jenny called out.

Daisy came steaming back towards them a few seconds later, out of breath. 

"Wheres Xan? Was he with you?" Jenny asked.

"No, I though he was with you guys." Daisy replied.

"Xan!!" Jay shouted.

Jenny looked at Jay and could tell by his expression he was starting to panic. She reached out and took his hand.

"Stay calm. Theres two paths and it's not far. He'll be here somehwere." Jenny tried to calm Jay. She stroked his hand. "Daisy you go this way please and Jay you go that way, i'll wait here incase he comes here. Keep your phones with you."

Jenny's calm demeanor had an effect on Jay, he listened to her words and she was right, he couldn't be far. Jay took off down the track walking quite fast, clutching Bear tightly. He was still admonishing himself internally. 'How could I lose him? Oh god what if he's panicking. Come on Jay you're smarter than this.'

Xan was blissfully unaware of the mild panic that was going on. He was sat on the trail looking up at a squirrel he had followed, run about in the tree. As he sat quietly still looking up into the tree, a small Goldcrest took an interest in the young man. It landed on the ground infront of him and flicked its head about looking at him. Xan sat looking at him with his paci bobbing in his mouth and his eyes wide with intrigue. The small bird hopped up onto Xan's shoulder to investigate him closer. 

As he sat happily with his new animal friends, Daisy spotted him and ran over. His little Goldcrest friend fluttered off into a nearby tree.

"Oh Xan, there you are!" She said standing infront of him. She held her hand out to him. "Let's go find your Daddy."

She helped Xan to his feet and took him by the hand back to where Jenny was waiting for them. He looked over his shoulder as they walked off and waved goodbye to the small bird.

"Oh Daisy, well done!" Jenny called out as the two came into view. "Let me ring Jay quick."

Xan stood next to Jenny as she put her hand on top of his head, while Daisy happily skipped around them feeling super pleased with herself. Jenny hung up the phone and a few seconds later Jay came back into view with a big smile. Xan waved as he spotted Jay coming towards them. Jay scooped Xan up and gave him a cuddle.

"Hi Daddy." Xan said as he cuddled.

"Oh sweetie, I was worried." Jay said as he squeezed Xan.

Xan was a bit confused. "Why?" He asked.

"I didn't know where you were baby and I was worried."

Xan started to tear up. "I' sorry. I didn' mean to."

"Oh no sweetie, don't cry it's okay." Jay said rubbing Xan's back.

Xan held onto Jay and Bear tightly, he didn't want to get down anymore. As they all made their way back to the car, Daisy was skipping along flying her unicorn while Jenny and Jay walked behind with Xan clinging to Jay. Jay buckled Xan into his seat while Daisy and Jenny climbed in. Jay got into the drivers seat and they were all ready to go. 

Daisy and Jenny sang along to the radio on the journey making Jay chuckle, but Xan sat in his seat looking down at Bear. His little self couldn't figure out why Jay was worried earlier and it was bothering him. He thought he might have been in trouble or been bad and these thoughts pushed him deeper into littlespace. When they got home after dropping Daisy and Jenny off, Jay carried his little man inside.

"Daddy, was I bad?" Xan asked looking up at Jay with a worried expression.

"No baby no, why do you think that?" Jay said as he carried Xan to the playroom.

"Cause y'u worried." 

"Aw Xan." Jay said stroking his cheek. "I was just worried because I lost track of you. I should have been more attentive and so I was angry at myself." 

As he explained, he lay Xan on the change mat and removed his trousers. Xan was very wet, a sure sign to Jay that he was feeling very little. He cleaned Xan up and put him in a fresh thick diaper. Then changed his clothes for a onesie and tied his hair up for him. Jay had picked up on little things, like when Xan was feeling regressed he liked his hair tied up and he didn't speak as much.

Almost as soon as Jay finished tying his hair up for him, Xan crawled away towards his toys. Jay smiled at this, it made him feel like a proud papa when Xan was happily regressed. 

"I'm just going to get us a drink sweetie, i'll be right back." 

Jay kissed the top of Xan's head as he went off to the kitchen. Xan didn't really want his daddy to go, but he didn't feel like chasing after him either. So he decided to stay and play while he waited for Jay to come back. He rummaged through his toys before deciding on playing with his lego's to build a tower. Bear was appointed supervisor while Pluto, Plodd, Stitch and his large shark made up the crowd. They were very important because they would be the judges, who decided if it was a good tower or if it was a bad one.  
Jay came back with a can of drink for himself, his laptop to do his work on and a bottle for Xan. He placed the bottle next to Xan and got himself settled into the cuddle chair. While Jay tapped away on his laptop, Xan's tower was taking shape. He had been stacking the bricks higher and higher, making sure to look at Bear for his approval as the build continued. Xan shuffled his way around to the the judges and held each one up to his tower, he then set them down and held Bear up to it. Bear decided that he didn't like it so, with a little push, the tower toppled over and smashed to pieces all over the floor. 

Xan burst into a fit of loud giggles, so much so his paci fell from his mouth. 

"Uh oh!" Jay jumped. "Was that fun? Oh Xan." He chuckled at Xan's delight.

Xan grabbed his bottle and Bear then stood by Jay, still chuckling to himself.

"How about we go lay on the bed, hmm?"

Jay was feeling tired and he was sure Xan was a little tired too. Xan seemed to like the idea as he sprinted off to the bedroom and leaped onto the bed. Jay smiled and closed his laptop before following his silly boy. He climbed onto the bed and was immediately snuggled by Xan. The two cuddled on the bed with Jay holding Xan tight and stroked his little ones hair while Xan nursed on his bottle. Before he finished they had both dozed off in each others arms.


	5. A Little Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An empty fridge, means a quick shopping trip

Xan stood looking in the fridge with a pout on his face. It had been a lazy Sunday morning of cuddles and cartoons. But now it was nearly lunchtime and Xan wanted something tasty to eat. However as he stood in front of the fridge dressed in his onesie wih Kimchi his red panda held tightly in his arms, it was evidently clear that there was nothing on offer. 

"Daddyyyyy." Xan whined as he called Jay.

Jay followed his call and came into the kitchen. 

"What's wrong sweetie?" Jay asked seeing the prominent pout on Xan's face.

Xan just pointed to the fridge, still pouting sticking his bottom lip out as far as it would go. Jay poked his head around the door. 

"Oh... Sorry sweetie."

Jay was getting hungry too and he was hoping there was something tasty. 

"How about we go food shopping, hmm? We can even grab some lunch out too." 

Xan's face lip up immediately. "Can we have subway?"

"Sure we can, anything you like sweetie." 

They got Xan changed into something a little more suitable to go out in and while Jay went to get himself ready Xan insisted on writing a shopping list. Jay got himsellf washed and changed then came to check on Xan. 

"How's the list coming along?"

Jay knew what he needed to buy, but Xan wanted to make a list and Jay wasn't going to stop him. Xan happily handed over the list. As Jay looked at it he tried really hard not to chuckle, it had cute little drawings of foods and animals eating them. Xan had only written things he wanted instead of a proper shopping list and it was adorable. Things were missppelled as a child would write them and it had all been written and drawn in crayon. 

"Good job." Jay smiled at Xan and handed him the list back. "You can be in charge of getting these things."

A great big smile spread across Xan's face. Jay gave him a job and it made him feel important. 

  
As they sat in Subway enjoying their sandwiches, Xan made sure to keep a special watch on his list he had made. It had taken Xan quite a long time to choose what he wanted off the menu and he insisted on telling Jay each item and having Jay order it for him. Jay had got himself a footlong, while Xan only had a six inch. But he also got a cookie, because they were 'very important' as he told Jay. Xan screwed up his rubbish and tidied Jay's away for him too.

"Thankyou sweetie." Jay was delighted at Xan's thoughtfulness.

He got up and walked with Xan to the bin, then the two walked out towards the supermarket. It was quite busy out in the street and Xan stuck very close to Jay. He still got anxious in public when it was busy even being with Jay didn't make the young man feel confident. Jay had his arm around him for comfort as they got to the supermarket he pulled out a trolley and they both walked holding it in through the entrance. First they came to fruit and vegetable section and while Jay took care of getting lots of fresh vegetables, Xan was running backward and forwards gathering lots and lots of different fruits. 

"Wow, do you think you will be able to eat all that little one?" Jay asked smiling at Xan.

"Yep!" He happily replied. 

They made their way through the supermarket going isle to isle, with Jay grabbing the necessities and Xan picking up the treats that were on his list. Being a good boy, he showed them to Jay getting his approval before he put them in the trolley. Xan clung to the trolley very closely all the way around and especially when they got into the line to pay. Jay thought Xan was going to get shy and anxious when they got to the tills, so he had a magazine ready that he hoped Xan would like to read. Just a little distraction to take his mind off of the busy shop.

"Here sweetie, have a read of this." Jay handed Xan a pokemon magazine.

"Hmm?" Xan was a little nervous but took the magazine anyway.

Xan opened it up and saw the bright coloured characters and started to read about the adventures they had been on that week. Jay ushered Xan along as they moved up and before Xan realized they were through the queue and had paid. Jays plan had worked like a charm. 

"Home time Xan." Jay said patting Xan on the shoulder.

Xan was all smiles as they loaded the shopping into the boot of the SUV. Jay belted Xan in and climbed into the drivers seat. 

"Okay, here we go!" Jay annouced as they set off.

Xan cheered as he cuddled Kimchi. As they left the carpark, they immediately hit traffic. It was slow going as the creeped at a snails pace down the road. After 15 minutes in the slow moving traffic Xan's stomach was growling at him.

"Daddy?" 

"Yes sweetie?" Jay asked keeping his eyes on the road.

"I... need to go to the toilet." He quietly uttered.

"Aw baby." Jay stroked Xan's thigh. "Im really sorry, but theres nowhere to pull over and I don't think we're going to be home for a while yet."

Xan hung his head in sadness, he felt so embarrassed.

"It's okay sweetie, i'll clean you up when we get home okay?" 

Jay reached into his pocket and popped Xan's paci in his mouth. Luckily for Xan, Jay had tinted windows. But his shame wasn't hidden that easily. He knew what was coming and tears started to form in his eyes. He sat quietly cuddling Kimchi tight and burying his face in his soft fur. Jay kept trying to reassure him and comfort him in any way he could. Xan shuffles in his seat as he loses the battle to hold it and It sends him deeper into littlespace. Jay discreetly opens the window a little and as they come to a stop in traffic again, he leans over to kiss Xan's forehead and stroke his cheek.

"Daddy." His voice ladened with sadness.

"It's okay baby, cuddle Kimchi tight okay? Good boy, we'll be home soon."

It's another 35 minutes before they make it home. 

"Okay baby boy, here we are."

Jay leaves the shopping in the boot and takes his little one straight inside for a change. He pulls off Xan's clothes and quickly lays him down on the change mat. Xan keeps a tight hold on Kimchi and sucks away on his paci.

"Let's get you freshened up, sweetie."

Jay untapes and takes great care in cleaning Xan up. Trying to get it over with as quickly as possible, to save Xan from more embarrassment. He slips a fresh soft diaper under Xan and sprinkles the powder over him. He pulls it up and tapes it tightly in place. Xan is already feeling better, now he's all clean and safe at home. He crawls away and huddles up in his pile of soft toys.

"What are you doing silly boy?" Jay chuckles. "Is that comfy in there?"

Xan nods as he is now buried in the mass of soft toys.

"Daddy has to go unpack the shopping, will you wait in there for me?"

"Okay." Xan spoke softly and nodded.

Jay knelt down and kissed Xan on the forehead. "Okay, i'll be back shortly."

It didn't take long for Jay to empty the car and put away the shopping, not that he was rushing. He made Xan a bottle of apple juice before heading back upstairs to his little man. Xan was still sat in the huge pile of soft toys, playing with Kimchi and Pluto. Jay stood at the door for a few moments just watching his little one innocently playing. The proud, protective feeling washed over him again. 

"Hey little one, having fun?"

Xan turned his head to see Jay standing in the doorway. He stood himself up and toddled his way over to Jay, wrapping his arms around him. 

" 'm cold." He quietly said.

"You're cold? Aw sweetie, let's get you dressed and then we can snuggle in the cuddle chair." 

Jay set the bottle down on the chest of drawers and pulled open the sock drawer. He took out some long knee high socks and picked out a onesie for Xan to wear. Xan was playing with Kimchi while Jay picked out his clothes. He let Jay pull the onesie over his head and pop the snap crotch over his diaper. 

"Sit down sweetie and we'll put these socks on." 

Xan plonked himself down on his bum with a poof from his padding. Jay gently pulled the socks on for him, feeling just how cold his little one was.

"Oh sweetie, your toes are freezing." Jay was a little taken back. 

He admonished himself internally, 'I knew I should have dressed him straight away. Dammit Jay'. After he had both socks on Jay took each one in his hands and rubbed the quickly to try and heat his littles ones toes up. It delighted Xan, it felt really nice having his feet rubbed. Jay scooped Xan up and sat them in the big comfy cuddle chair, settling Xan in his lap. He pulled one of the blankets that were close by to drape over Xan. 

"There, is that better?" Jay asked as he rubbed Xan's back. "I'm sorry you were cold baby."

Xan just snuggled into Jay, melting against his strong chest. Jay stroked the back of Xan's head softly as they cuddled together. He sat thinking to himself about their relationship as he breathed in Xan's sweet scent. Since meeting Xan he had felt all these different emotions that he had never experienced before. Well not since back then.

Not since the incident in secondary school. Back when he was still discovering his sexuality, there was a boy who transferred in. Jay took an interest in him and he seemed to take an interest in Jay. Honestly it was the first time he had truly felt loved and over the next five months they got very close. It was your typical teenage romance fueled by hormones and naivety. He really thought they were in love and Jay fell hard for him. But he soon discovered it was a onesided love. When Jay walked in on him with a girl and his heart sank. When he confronted him, the guy laughed in his face and Jay's heart broke. He went into a long depression and it hurt his relationships from then on. He was always distant and never fell for anyone again, until he met Xan that is.


	6. Xan's haircut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xan reveals some trauma from his past

The kitchen was sizzling as Xan prepared his spanish omelettes, it seemed to be one of Jay's favourites recently and Xan loved to cook food that people enjoyed. Xan wasn't a big fan of them if he was honest, but there weren't many foods that he did enjoy and Jay loved them so he was happy to make them. 

"Hey you, wow! That looks soooo good!" Jay said cuddling Xan from behind. "How long until it's done?" 

Xan turned to kiss Jay. "I'm just about to serve it up." He said as he turned back to the frying pan.

"Nice." Jay smiled.

He let Xan's hair run through his fingers, the ends were frayed and it was starting to get a little untidy.

"Shall we go get your hair trimmed sweetie? It's looking a littl..." Jay started to say.

"No, thankyou." Xan snapped and tensed up. "I mean I want it cut.. uh... I.. don't really.. um..."

Jay held Xan. "Sweetie, what's wrong?" He stroked his hair.

Xan sighed. "Err.. let's sit and i'll um..."

Jay kissed Xan's head. "Okay."

Jay sat at the table, while Xan plated up the omelettes and set them down on the table. Jay tucked in to the omelette, giving Xan time to think about what it was he wanted to tell him. Xan played with his omelette pushing it around the plate as he took a deep breath in and out. Jay knew Xan wanted to tell him something and noticed he was anxious so he softly stroked his hand.

"It's okay sweetie, take a deep breath."

Xan closed his eyes and took a deep breath in holding it. Finally he felt ready to tell Jay. 

"I never told you about... my scars." Xan stared down at his plate.

Jay was starting to feel worried, but he just held his hand and listened.

"When I was in care. I got bullied a lot, I had long hair and I was small... there were a few guys who were older and they were horrible to everyone, but me inparticular. They er.. one night they... I don't know if they stole some alcohol or.. but they came into my room and they pulled me downstairs to the kitchen. Two of them held me in one of the dining chairs and another covered my mouth so I couldn't call for help. They were laughing and saying they were going to cut my girly hair and saying these horrible things. Then their leader took the big scissors from the kitchen drawer and uh... he.." 

Xan started to shake, just thinking of that memory was all too much for him. He was struggling, but he wanted Jay to know. He felt like he needed to tell him, to be honest with the one he loved. Hearing these things brought a tear to Jay's eye and it hadn't reached the worst part yet.

".. he ran the scissors over my face... I .. could feel the cold metal.... and.. his friends were telling him do it, do it... they pulled at my hair.. it hurt and... he snipped off chunks ... and I tried to pull away, I just wanted to get away.... I wriggled free... and I shouted, I didn't mean to.. I just shouted for help. I was so scared, I just wanted it to be over. They all ran at me and I fell.. and he... they jumped ontop of me... then it was like fire in my stomach, it was hot. It hurt so much and it was so.. warm and it was wet..."

Xan was shaking, his breathing was so fast and his heart was pounding in his chest. He clutched his stomach tightly, it was too much for him and he cried loudly. Jay was white as a ghost and the tears were flowing from his eyes. He wrapped his arms around Xan tightly, pulling him into his lap.

"Shh shh shh It's okay, come here sweetie. Daddy's got you, you're safe Xan." Jay cuddled Xan tightly stroking his back as Xan cried into his shoulder. "You're safe baby." 

He held Xan tight as a rush of emotions flowed through his mind. Anger at the perpetrators and the staff in the home. Sadness, thinking of how scared Xan was, how much pain he was in and is still in because of it. He felt protective, he wanted to wrap Xan up in a blanket of safety and keep him from the outside world. His heart hurt, thinking of the pain Xan went through. 

Jay wiped his own tears away and held his boy tightly until he settled. Rubbing his back and peppering him with soft kisses. It took Xan a while to calm down.

"I.. i'm sorry.. I didn't tell you before.." He tried to explain.

"Hey, none of that now. You didn't need to tell me, but it means a lot that you trust me enough to." Jay kissed Xan's forehead and wiped his tears away with his thumbs. 

Xan flashed a small smile at Jay through his tears.

"There's that smile." Jay grinned. 

Once Xan had calmed down, it felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He had never told anyone about the attack before, other than the police who investigated. He hadn't loved anyone like Jay before and never felt the need to be honest and open about his past with anyone.

"Your omelette got cold." He said looking at the table.

"It's alright sweetie." Jay chuckled.

Xan cuddled back against Jay, he wasn't in the mood for eating anymore. Jay stroked Xan's back as he finished his omelette. It still tasted just as good. Everything Xan made for him was amazing. 

"You know Daisy's a hairdresser, if you really want it trimmed i'm sure she would be happy to do it." Jay suggested as he patted Xan's back. "You could sit and cuddle me the whole time."

"I could?" Xan asked warily.

"Of course, i'll be here the whole time."

Xan agreed, he wanted his hair to look good but he was far too afraid to go to a hairdressers. As he sat in Jay's lap, Jay could feel his little one had flooded his diaper. Most likely from the stress of talking about what happened. 

"Sweetie, you need a change."

Xan was surprised he didn't even realize he had wet. He slid off Jay's lap rather reluctantly and they made their way up to the playroom. Xan was feeling a little disheartened and dissapointed in himself. 

Jay picked up on straight away. "It's okay sweetie, that's why I keep you padded and protected." 

After his change, Jay pulled up his shorts and popped a paci between Xan's lips. Xan gently tied up his hair into a bun, he was feeling a little tentative about his hair. But Jay had an idea to make his little one happy. 

"Okay sweetie, grab Bear and Kimchi, we're going to go colour." He beamed at his little one.

Xan's bright eyes sparkled. He picked up Bear and his soft red panda and followed Jay downstairs. Jay pulled off one of the big comfy cushions from the sofa and placed in on the ground close to the coffee table. He patted it so Xan would sit himself on it, then went off to get the paper, pencils and crayons. He placed them all down on the table next to Xan, in seconds they were emptied out all over the table. It made Jay chuckle, it was such a contrast from how Xan worked on his art when he wasn't in littlespace. He was very OCD about laying things out in order and carefully by colour, but in littlespace it was the opposite. 

Jay walked over to the tv and put in one of Xan's favourite movies, Big Hero 6. He grabbed the control and sat himself down on the floor next to Xan, leaning against the sofa. Xan had already started drawing away and was happily colouring a giraffe, when his attention was snapped around to the tv. He heard the menu music and immediately recognised the movie. He gasped and pointed at the screen, turning his head to towards Jay. His smile struck Jay straight in the heart. It was one of purity, despite all he had been through and revisited today. Jay thought to himself, he really is a strong boy.

Xan carried on colouring and watching the movie, drawing a rocket ship and a hippo playing in the mud. Jay was roped in to colour in some of the mud around the hippo because it was too much and Xan got bored of brown. 

When he finished the colouring for Xan he stood up. "I'm just going to phone Daisy and ask if she would be nice enough to trim your hair sweetie, back in a minute." Jay anounced.

He stood in the kitchen, making them something to drink and got his phone out to call Daisy.

"Hello?" Jenny answered.

"Hey Jen, is Daisy there? I'd like to ask a favour."

"Oh she's not back yet, she's running late. Why? What's up?"

"I was hoping she could come over and cut Xan's hair for him."

"Oh, well if you pop into the salon tomorrow she'll be in all day. I'm sure she can fit munchkin in."

"Ehh... we can't go to a hairdressers. Let's just say bad memories." 

Jay went on to explain in as little detail as he could. He told Jenny it was a phobia and it would be best for her to come here as he would have to have Xan sit in his lap. It wouldn't be an easy job. Jenny said she would text Jay later after she spoke to Daisy. They had a quick catch up as he made a coffee, then said their goodbyes. 

He went back into the living room and set the drinks on the table, in the small gaps that were avaliable and got comfy on the sofa. Xan hopped up from his colouring and sat next to Jay, snuggling up closely iinto Jay's side. 

"Here snuggle bug." Jay handed Xan his sippy cup and put his arm around him. 

They watched the rest of movie together. When it had finished Jay looked over at Xan, he was rubbing his eyes.

"How about we have a nap here sweetie?" Jay suggested.

He wanted to stay close to Xan today, he was feeling overprotective and in a cuddly mood. Xan nodded and reached out to grab Bear.

"Let me go grab a blanket and i'll be right back." Jay said as he ran off upstairs.

When he got back Xan was still sat on the sofa, waiting patiently for Jay's return. It made Jay smile as he saw the sleepy boy. Jay flicked the tv over to the nature channel, for a calm background noise as he lay on the sofa. 

"Come here sweetie." 

Xan lay ontop of him resting his head on Jay's chest. Jay pulled the super soft blanket over them both and wrapped his arms around Xan. A few minutes passed with Jay stroking Xan's back, before he felt his little one drift off. It made him happy, really happy. He leaned down slightly and smelled the top of Xan's head, breathing in his faint strawberry scent. Xan's warmth was really comforting to Jay and he started to doze.

Jay was startled awake by his phone buzzing on the table. He swiped at it on the table and through blurry eyes was able to read the caller was Daisy.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jay!" Daisy chuckled. "What are you up to?"

"Er, nothing we were just napping really."

"Oh I didn't mean to wake you up. But I was going to say i'm free now if you want me to come trim Xan's hair."

"Oh that would be great, did uh.. did Jen tell you about what we spoke about?"

"Yep, it's no problem. Jen said she'd come to help out too."

"Oh good thankyou, well I'll see you in a little bit."

He hung up the phone and put it back on the coffee table.  

"Sweetie." Jay started to rouse Xan from his nap. "Xaaan. time to wake up sweetie."

Xan stirred and opened his eyes up to see Jay smiling back at him. 

"It's time to get up now. We've just got time for a change before Daisy will be here to trim your hair."

Xan rubbed his eyes and he propped himself up. He let out a big yawn, sending his paci falling onto the sofa. Jay helped him up and took him to the playroom for a fresh diaper. 

"Now sweetie, if you want to stop at any time, you just let me know okay? Daisy will only cut when you want."

Xan was nibbling his fingers. "Okay." He said feeling more than a little nervous.

Jay finished changing him and helped him stand up. He pulled him against him into a tight cuddle. "It'll be over before you know it and you'll be so happy that your hair is all nice and tidy."

As they went downstairs, Jay went to fold up the blanket and Xan started to tidy away his crayons. Jay picked up Xan's drawings and looked at them with a smile.

"How about we stick them on the fridge?" Jay asked looking to Xan.

Xan giggled and agreed. He thought it was a funny idea, but was actually quite proud that Jay wanted to have them on display. 

Knock knock knock, knock knock knock knock knock.

"There's Daisy's knock." Jay chuckled. 

He went to open the door, while Xan carried on todying away his pencils and crayons. Jay welcomed the girls and showed them in.

"Hi munchkin." Jenny said as she beamed a warm smile at Xan.

"Hello."

Jay got a dining chair and placed it in the open space in the front room. Daisy set her hairdressing bag down on the coffee table and Xan froze. Jay patted his shoulder and cuddled him.

"It's okay sweetie, we'll do it at your pace alright?" Jay tried to comfort him. "Why don't you show Jenny your colouring and i'll help Daisy set her things up yeah?"

Jenny took the hint. "Ooo i'd love to see your pictures munchkin! Come sit next to me and show me." She beamed that comforting smile at Xan.

Xan sat next to her on the sofa and they looked through his colourings, from today and some older ones. Jenny enthusiastically complimented them, but not too much as to seem sarcastic. She could tell Xan wasn't in littlespace at the minute, he was too preoccupied with worrying.

"Okay sweetie. Are you ready?" Jay asked him.

Xan looked at Jay and nodded. There was no smile this time, but Jay had expected as much. Jay held his hand out to him and Xan got up and walked over to Jay. Jenny got up and stood with Daisy, so she was ready to help if needed. Jay sat on the chair and Xan sat on his lap facing him. He could feel Xan was shaking already.

"Oh Jen, could you put the stereo on? Theres a CD already in and some background noise might help."

"Sure, good idea." Jen said as she went to the stereo.

Jenny turned on the stereo. Jay had picked up that Xan always had to have some kind of noise even if it was just in the background, he hated silence. Jay rubbed Xan's back as

Daisy brushed Xan's hair for him. Daisy gave Jay a nod to tell him she was ready when Xan was.

"We'll start when you say sweetie okay? You're in control. When you say start we will start and if you say stop we'll stop." Jay gave Xan a coy smile.

Xan looked at Jay for a few moments, while he was gearing himself up. "Okay i'm ready." He said with a shaky voice.

Daisy just ran her hands through his hands a few times, to get him used to the sensation.

Daisy put her hand on Xan's shoulder. "Okay Xan, first cut coming up."

She slowly snipped a small amount of ends of his hair. Then paused to look at Jay for confirmation. Jay nodded and she slowly carried on, taking it slow and cutting small amounts at a time. All it took was one stray hair on Xan's head being accidentally pulled by the scissors and Xan panicked.

"NOooo!!" He shouted and tried to escape.

It startled Daisy, she squeaked and jumped backwards. Jenny was there to catch her. Jay wrapped his arms around Xan and held him in his lap. He could feel Xan's heart beating out of his chest. He put his hand on the back of Xan's head as Xan buried his face in Jay's neck.

"It's okay baby. Its alright." Jay said as he rubbed his back. "You're doing so well."

"I... I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to shout." Xan stuttered.

"That's okay." Jay reassured him. "We'll take a break for a minute." He said to Jenny.

Jenny and Daisy went to the kitchen to give them a moment alone. 

"We can stop there if you want sweetie." 

"It's okay. I.. I want to finish. I didn't mean to shout, I.. I don't know why I did." 

"It's alright Xan, it's a reflex response. That's why i'm here. We'll just cuddle a minute let that heartrate slow down." 

After a couple of minutes Xan was more relaxed and Daisy came back in. Xan took some deep breathes and said it was okay to restart. They took it nice and slow and this time Xan was a little less jumpy. They were almost finished when Xan had to stop again. He didn't shout or try to wriggle free this time, instead he gripped tightly to Jay.

"Deep breathes sweetie. In through your nose, out through your mouth." Jay said as he rubbed Xan's back. "Good, nice and slow. We are almost finished sweetie. Nearly done."

After a  few short minutes, with one last snip Daisy happily announced that they were all done.

"Excellent! Thankyou so much Daisy." Jay said happily.

Jay went to stand Xan up, but Xan stayed clinging tightly to him so he stood up carrying Xan. Xan had his eyes pinched tightly shut and his heart was still beating quickly in his chest. Jenny helped Daisy tidy up, while Jay held Xan. 

"There's some money on the table over there Daisy." Jay said with a smile.

"Don't be silly, i'm not charging you." She chuckled.

They spoke a little as Daisy finished packing her things and the two of them got ready to go. 

"You did so good munchkin." Jenny said. "We'll see you later." She said to Jay.

"I'm sorry I.. shouted." Xan mumbled.

"Aw munchkin you don't have to apologise. You faced your phobia today, you did very well." Jenny explained. "Now you have a good night, with lots of cuddles."

After Daisy and Jenny left Xan still wasn't ready to let go of Jay. He didn;'t mind though, he took Xan up to the playroom and they sat in the cuddle chair for a while. When he was ready his head popped up from Jay's shoulder.

"Does it look okay?" He asked.

Jay smiled. "It looks lovely sweetie, do you want to have a look?"

Xan slipped off Jay's lap and they went off to the mirror, so he could get a look at his haircut.


	7. Past Demons Rear Their Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter is about an eating disorder

There had been a distinct change in Xan over the past couple of weeks and Jay had noticed. Not an emotional change, he was still the same happy loving Xan, it was a physical change. He had started losing weight and Jay had decided they needed to have a chat. He had talked to Tina at work about what was happening and her advice was to have a heart to heart before going any further.

Xan was unaware that Jay had started to pick up on things. It was true that he had been struggling with himself but he thought he had hidden it well. It had started with Xan skipping a meal here and there and exercising a little more. But it soon spiraled into something more. Jay was at work when Xan woke up, he went through his normal morning routine. But as he finished brushing his teeth he stood infront of the mirror, staring at the reflection before him. Looking at his torso in the dimly lit room, he pulled at his skin, squeezing and pinching himself. There was a sick feeling in his stomach and a wave of sadness washed over him.

"I'm disgusting..." He murmured to himself. "How could anyone love this." He snapped grabbing at his pale skin, leaving red marks where his fingers gripped tightly.

He slumped down to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest as he began to cry. All these horrible thoughts swirled around in his head as he weeped. When he stood up, he wiped the tears away and changing into his workout clothes. He loaded up his laptop and opened one of the workout files he had downloaded. And there were many of them to choose from. They were kept in one of the secret folders hidden away in his documents. There were also images he had collected. They were of various very thin people, there were also lists of zero calorie foods and ways to hide food from people around you. It was his shameful folder, as he had labeled it.

Back when Xan was in his teens he had struggled with anorexia, he had been to specialists and had treatment. Just after his 20th birthday, Xan had managed to beat it in a sense. He was enjoying food and was able to eat with people. He was hoping that he had put it all behind him, but it seemed like once again his troubles had reared their ugly head. Xan was afraid to tell Jay, through fear of Jay thinking less of him and not understanding. He fought this daily, he had been trying to build up the courage to tell Jay, but his mind kept the fear instilled.

It was 3 in the afternoon before Xan had exhausted himself. He had been furiously working out for almost 4 hours now. The disorder had bested him today. He sat on the floor in the living room, with his laptop infront of him as he was scrolling through the saved pictures. He could feel the upset building in his stomach again. Eventually he was able to tear himself away from the screen and went to wash himself and his clothes so Jay wouldn't suspect. It made him hate himself more that he was in a sense lying to the person he cared most for. But it was the compulsion that forced him to.

Jay finished his shift a little earlier than normal, so that he could run off to speak to someone in the mental health department. Tina had asked her friend, who dealt with eating disorders daily, if she could have a word with Jay.

"Ah Dr Thompson, please come in."

"Uh please call me Jay. Thankyou for seeing me."

"So Tina mentioned you were worried that someone you live with might have an ED?"

"Yeah..." He said sounding a little downhearted. "He has in the past been treated for anorexia and I am pretty sure he is struggling with it again. I'm not sure how to approach itwithout upsetting him and I don't know what I should do."

"Well if he is dealing with anorexia, he will be feeling a lot of shame and guilt. Not just around eating, but also about lying and hiding it from the people around them. As you know they take these feelings out on themselves and often resort to self harm, which again can add to the shame and guilt. There is no easy way to approach the subject im afraid, just to be understanding and take things slowly."

Jay sighed, it didn't do much to ease his worry. Although he knew he was kidding himself if he was hoping for a quick fix.

"I have some space in the coming week if you need to make an appointment. I'll give you my card and if you decide together to make an appointment my number is on there."

The doctor handed it to Jay with a reassuring smile.

It was a gloomy drive home for Jay, but as he parked in the driveway he gave himself a quick peptalk in the mirror. He put on a smile and went in.

"Xan, i'm home!" He called out.

"Hi!" Xan came running into the hallway and wrapped his arms around Jay. "Did you have a good day at work?"

"It's been an okay day, a bit busy." Jay replied.

Xan could tell there was something wrong. His voice was the same, his smile was the same but something felt... off.

He looked up at Jay with his big bright eyes. "Daddy?"

Jay knew Xan picked up on it, there was no use hiding it anymore. He scooped Xan up and cuddled him tightly.

"Let's go sit in the cuddle chair sweetie." Jay said reluctantly.

It was going to be a hard conversation, but it would be even harder if he put it off. He pulled of his work clothes and quickly threw on some comfy jogging bottoms and a long sleeve tshirt. Xan watched Jay change all the while his mind was spinning and he was panicking. 'This is it, he's going to leave me. I'm not good enough.'

Jay saw the horrified look on Xan's face. He stroked Xan's cheek and bent down to eye level.

"It's alright sweetie. Nothing bad is happening." Jay said as he kisses his forehead.

He led him to the cuddle chair and they got comfy.

"Daddy, i'm scared. What's happening?" He looked at Jay with tears in his eyes.

Jay held Xan's head against his chest and gently rocked him. "Sweetie, I know you're struggling. But it's okay, because i'm going to help you get better. I know you have been skipping meals and exercising too much."

Xan cried against Jay gripping tightly to his shirt.

"But i'm not mad sweetie. You're not in trouble okay? It is a problem that we have to deal with."

"Daddy.. I...m.. sorry... please!.. Don't ... go!." Xan wailed.

"Shh shh, relax little one. Calm now. I'm not going anywhere, i'm staying right here." Jay held his hysterical boy tightly. "Shh baby, no-ones going anywhere. We're going to get you better, okay? My sweet boy."

Jay stroked Xan's back, cuddling him tightly. He softly whispered calm and reassuring things into his ear as his crying slowed. Before long Jay felt a wetness in his lap. Xan had been so upset he had overfilled his diaper. Jay felt so sorry for him, he had worked himself into such a state that he had lost control. He lifted the sobbing little up and tried to lay him on the change mat, but he clung tightly to Jay and whimpered.

"It's okay baby, we just need to get you changed."

Xan hesitantly let go and covered his face with his hand as he quietly sobbed. Jay quickly pulled off Xan's clothes and tossed them aside to be washed. He untaped his sodden diaper and wiped him clean. Reaching over he grabbed a diaper and a booster, thinking Xan might need extra protection. He quickly had him changed and pulled him back to a seated position.

"Come on baby boy, you've worn yourself out haven't you? Let's go have a little sleep." Jay suggested.

He helped Xan into the bedroom and sat him on the bed. He got himself changed into fresh underwear and jogging bottoms, then lay with his upset little boy on the bed. He wiped Xan's tears away as he held him close. Jay let Xan sleep while he thought about what they were going to do. Xan slept for more than an hour in Jay's arms before he woke.

"Hi sweetie." Jay said as he stroked his hair. "Are you feeling a little better?"

"A bit.."

"Okay, well that's a start." He said as he stroked Xan's hair. "Now i'm going to talk for a minute and I want you to know, no-one is angry at you and no-one is leaving okay? But you aren't well and we need to get you better. I know that me nagging at you to eat isn't going to help and will end up in us fighting. So, there's a doctor at work that we will make an appointment with and we will both go and see. That is mandatory okay? It won't be fun and it's going to be a long road, but i'll be here with through everything."

Xan listened intently to every word and processed what he had said. Xan looked into Jay's eyes and with a deep breath confessed to him, everything that had been going on, everything he had done and everything he had felt. He poured his heart out to Jay, Xan's truth brought tears to Jay's eyes. After he told him, Jay realized just how much Xan was struggling. It was horrible to hear but at the same time Jay felt comforted that Xan was able to talk to him about it. It was going to be a trying time for Xan, but Jay would guide him every step of the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was very difficult for me I tried to use it as a kind of therapy, I used my own experience as a base. This is how I wished my experience had gone, in reality it was an awful time in my life. If you are struggling please reach out for help.


	8. Rules and Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Troubled sleep leads to a misbehaving little one

Xan lay staring blankly at the ceiling. It had been 2 days since Jay had found out about his eating disorder and they had booked an appointment for 2 days time. He looked over at Jay, who was softly snoring next to him and he could see Jay's alarm clock read 2:48am. He groaned to himself, it felt like he would never get to sleep at this point. Xan eased himself out of bed, trying his hardest not to make a sound so as not to wake Jay. He looked down at Bear still laying in his space on the bed, but even this didn't bring a smile to his face.

He slumped downstairs on the sofa with the blanket wrapped around him and draped over his head. He had got a pad of writing paper and a pen ready to write Jay a sorry letter. Xan wasn't leaving, he just wanted Jay to know how sorry he was and he couldn't convey it outloud. 

Jay rolled over and went to pull Xan into a cuddle, but to his surprise he ended with Bear. 

"Huh?" 

He turned over to look at the time and was even more confused. It was 4:15 and Xan wasn't in bed. He pulled his tired body up off of the mattress and went in search of Xan. Through blurred vision he saw a flickering light coming from downstairs. As he headed towards the tv area, he saw a slumped Xan with his thumb hanging loosely from his lips. Jay smirked at how cute Xan looked, but was still just as confused as to why he was down here. He took the pad from Xan's lap and the pen that was still in his hand and set them down on the coffee table. He scooped up his sleepy little night owl and carried him upstairs back to bed.

The day hadn't been going well for Xan, he had an upset stomach and was running on little sleep. Jay was being quite lenient with his crabby little one, he knew the coming appointment was playing on his mind and he wasn't dealing with it very well. Xan was colouring with his crayons on the coffee table, when he spotted his appointment letter. He thought to himself that it looked too formal, but if he coloured a little picture on it, maybe the appointment wouldn't be so bad. He was colouring in a couple of fish he had drawn when Jay realized what he was colouring on. 

"Xan, no. Not on the appointment letter please, we need that." Jay reprimanded him.

Xan started to get really angry, he only wanted to make the letter look nicer. Why was he getting told off? It wasn't fair. He threw his crayon and let out an annoyed 'humph'. 

"Xan! First warning, do not throw things please, you've broken your crayon." Jay said scolding his grumpy boy.

"Noo!" Xan shouted and he stomped his feet. 

"Please don't shout or you will go to timeout." Jay said in that serious 'I mean business' tone.

Xan didn't know how to explain what he wanted and he was getting angrier and more frustrated. He lashed out. Xan pushed the table in frustration and it flew over onto its side, sending Xan's colouring flying across the floor. But it also sent Jay's glass flying to the ground and smashing into pieces.

"XAN! That is very naughty!" Jay yelled.

Xan was shocked, he didn't mean for the table to fall over and break anything. He was also shocked that Jay yelled. Before he knew it he was pulled across Jay's lap, he had really pushed it too far this time.

"We don't break things and we don't shout at Daddy!" 

Whump! Jay brought his hand down on Xan's padded bum. Even though he was diapered it still had the desired effect. Xan was sorry, he didn't mean to break anything, he didn't mean to be naughty. After ten swats Xan had started to cry. Jay stood his sobbing boy up on his feet. 

"i'm sorry Daddy!!" Xan cried.

"I know you are but you cannot act like that. Now 15 minutes in time out please. Then we will talk." Jay said laying down the law.

Xan obediently stood in timeout sobbing and reflecting on what sent him there. It still felt strange to Jay, punishing Xan. But it was all part of Xan's mindset, when he was little he would be punished like a little. Jay was able to calm down very quickly, he carefully tidied up the broken glass and wiped up the spilled drink. But he decided that Xan should tidy up his crayons as a way of setting right what he had done wrong. Jay made himself a drink and stood in the kitchen looking at his little one in timeout. He knew it was going to be a difficult day when he found Xan on the sofa, but he didn't realize quite how much Xan would struggle today.

Xan had stopped crying when his 15 minutes were up. Jay walked over and put his hand on Xan's shoulder. 

As he turned around and looked up at Jay. "Daddy..." He burst into tears.

Jay cuddled him and rubbed his back. "Shh now baby boy. Why did you get punished?"

"Because I was bad" He cried. "I pushed the table over an' broke your drink.... an' shouted." He sobbed, burying his face into Jay's shirt. "I'm... sorry!"

"I know you are sweetie." Jay said as he kissed Xan's head. "Now you need to tidy up your crayons, then you can come cuddle and we can talk."

Jay patted Xan on the back as the younger man dragged his feet and slowly made his way over the mess of crayons he had left. As he packed them away Jay sat on the sofa supervising. He tidied all of them except the broken one, he picked it up and cradled it in his hand. His bottom lip started quivering and he looked up at Jay with big teary looking eyes. 

Jay held his arms out to him. "Come here baby."

Xan flung himself into Jay's arms and hugged him tightly. "I didn't m...ean it."

"I know. Tell me why you got so cross sweetie." 

Xan sat on Jay's lap, wiped his eyes and began to explain as well as he could. "I 'as sleepy an' I wanted to make the letter less bad an' you were a meanie an' I was just making it pretty. But was f'ustrated an' didn't know what to say an' banged my foot an' then throwed things."

Jay looked at Xan trying to hold back a smile at how cute his explanation was. 

"So, you were trying to make the letter look nice so it didn't make you feel as bad?" Jay asked, trying his hardest to understand.

"Mhmm."

"Okay I understand now. So that's why you started to get cross? Why didn't you tell me sweetie?" Jay asked in a soft tone, while rubbing Xan's back.

Xan snuggled up against Jay and lay his head on Jay's shoulder. "Don't know." He said feeling shy.

Jay cuddled him tightly. "Okay baby. Well I think we are going to have to write out some rules aren't we?" Jay sat rocking Xan in his lap as they cuddled. "But first I think you need a nap little one."

" 'm not s'eepy." Xan whined. He just wanted to cuddle.

"Oh yes you are." Jay said lifting Xan with him as he stood up. "Let's change your soggy bum and put you down for a nap sweetie."

"But 'm..." Xan started to say.

"No more arguing now, Daddy's word is final."

Xan blushed as Jay carried him upstairs to the change mat. He held Bear over his face to hide the blush on his cheeks. Jay smiled to himself as he laid Xan down for his overdue change, he knew that calling himself Daddy made Xan all blushy and feel very small. After he had finished changing Xan into a thicker diaper, he dressed him in a soft onesie that had different childish toys all over it. Then led Xan by the hand to bed and helped him under the covers.

"Are you still... mad at me?" Xan asked quietly, he was still feeling remorseful.

Jay knelt beside the bed so he was face to face with his doubting little. He stroked his head, brushing the hair out of Xan's face. "No baby, that's all done with now okay?" He kissed Xan on the lips and gently pushed his paci into his mouth. "Get some sleep sweetie, i'll come get you in a little bit."

Jay kissed Bear then stood and walked to the door, he turned and waved then pulled the door up behind him. Xan fell asleep very quickly as he cuddled Bear tight. Through all his protests he really was very tired. Jay was sat downstairs with Xan's pad of paper thinking of the rules he would impliment when Xan woke up. Flicking open his phone he thought Jen would be best to ask for advice.

"Hi Jay, what's up?" Jenny answered in a happy voice.

"Hey Jen, i'm after some advice."

"What did munchkin do?"

"Wh... How did you know it was about Xan?"

"Jay, I've known you for a long time and you've asked me for advice a total of 3 times that I can think of and 2 of those have been recently and about munchkin." Jenny laughed. "So what happened?"

Jay told Jenny the events of the day and after getting over her initial shock that Xan had actually misbehaved, she told Jay about Daisy's rules and punishments. She told Jay to cater it specifically to Xan, it would be far more effective if they each revolved around an issue Xan faced. After a while Jay had chosen and written them out so he could present them to Xan later. Most of them were things he felt Xan needed to do but he added a couple in that he hoped would make Xan smile. He was finding that being a Daddy suited him. About an hour had passed so he decided it was time to wake Xan up.

"Wakey wakey sleepy boy." Jay said as he stroked the little ones stomach.

Xan groaned and rolled over to look at Jay. He lay there rubbing his eyes while Jay smiled down at him. He pushed himself up into a seated position and spotted the pad of paper in Jay's hand.

"My pad?" He asked in a sleepy voice.

"Yep. I've written out your rules. Let's go into the playroom and I will tell you them all."

Jay sat in the cuddle chair while Xan sat cross legged on the floor infront of him, looking up at Jay with his paci in his mouth and Bear sat in his lap. 

"Okay baby, here are the rules. You have to follow them, if you don't there will be punishments okay?" 

Xan nodded, he was actually excited to hear the rules and secretly craved the rules and structure Jay would provide.

"Okay then, 

1\. No shouting or swearing at Daddy  
2\. No hurting yourself, you must tell Daddy straight away if you feel the urge to  
3\. You must tell Daddy when you are feeling sad or angry or worried  
4\. No changing without permission  
5\. No playing with yourself without permission  
6\. Clean up any messes you make  
7\. Make sure your chore sticker chart is completed  
8\. Bedtime is when Daddy says  
9\. Take good care of Bear and your stuffed friends  
10\. You must eat what you are given by Daddy  
11\. You need to ask permission before exercising  
12\. No lying to Daddy  
13\. Daddys word is final

Now if you need help with any of these, you can ask me. The food one will be difficult at the minute, so we will impliment that one later, once we have started your therapy alright? Do you think you can manage them all?"

Xan nodded and flung himself into Jay's arms. "Yes Daddy." He smiled cuddling him tightly.

Jay dropped the pad to the floor so he could catch Xan. They sat happily snuggled in the cuddle chair for a little while. Jay was so happy his little one accepted the rules so easily. As Xan sat in Jay's lap and cuddled Jay checked his little ones diaper.

"Still dry, good boy." He praised and pressed a kiss to the side of Xan's head. 

"Can I play with my toys?" 

"Of course sweetie." Jay smiled and kissed Xan.

Xan slid off of Jay's lap and knelt infront of his toy box, rummaging around inside. He pulled out his dinosaurs and his wooden blocks, immediately building a set of stairs for his dinos to play on. Jay watched on as his little lay on his stomach happily kicking his legs in the air while he made the dinos bounce around on the blocks, jumping from the stairs to other blocks that were stacked up. 

Jay stood up and patted Xan's head. "Im just going to get us a drink and a snack sweetie."

When he got back to the playroom, Xan had created a more elaborate setup for his dinos to play on. There were towers and more sets of stairs and conveniently placed single blocks between each as little paths for the dinos to jump onto because the floor was lava. Jay sat down next to Xan being careful not to knock any blocks over.

"Have some fruit please sweetie."

He had cut up apple, strawberry and banana, Xan's favourites to try and entice his little to eat. Xan pushed himself up and wiggled his way into Jay's lap. Jay cuddled him from behind as he sat comfortably. Xan dropped his paci onto the side of the plate Jay had brought up. To Jay's relief Xan seemed happy enough to start on the fruit by himself. They sat and cuddled while Xan ate small pieces of cut up fruit. Xan grabbed the closest dino and made it eat the fruit that was left on the plate. 

Jay noticed this was a ploy by Xan to not eat anymore though. "Can you eat some more pieces for me sweetie?"

"Mmmm... how many more?" Xan asked feeling unsure.

"I think you could manage 2 pieces of each."

"Hmm, I'll try." 

Jay rubbed Xan's back and kept a constant stream of encouragement and praise as he worked his way through the 2 pieces of apple, the 2 pieces of strawberry and one of banana. Then he came to a halt, his stomach was saying no more. Jay had to tread carefully, if he pushed too hard or in the wrong way Xan could start to overthink about his food and would refuse to eat anything else for the rest of the day.

"This is the last tiny piece sweetie, then its all done, all finished. Can you eat it up for me?"

Xan looked at Jay and saw the pleading in his eyes, before agreeing. He popped the small bite of banana in his mouth and Jay seeing he was struggling to swallow it, peppered his little one with kisses to the side of his face.

"You did so well! Thankyou for eating it for me sweetie." Jay beamed a big smile at Xan.

Jay's praise and smile made Xan feel good, it made him forget about icky feelings he had while eating and he almost forgot about that his stomach was full. In that moment looking at Jay's happy face all Xan's worries melted away. He leant against Jay, snuggling into his warm chest and wrapping his arms around him. 

"Are you in a cuddly mood now?" 

Xan let out a little 'yea' while still holding on tight to Jay. 

"Let's go get comfy sweetie and snuggle on the sofa."

They grabbed their drinks, Bear and a blanket and went to snuggle for the rest of the afternoon before dinnertime.


	9. Appointment and Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Xan's frist appointment with Dr Taylor. Xan is nervous but Jay will always look after his little one.

The day had arrived for Xan's appointment but since waking up, Jay had noticed Xan was very flat compared to normal and a little withdrawn. He had expected as much though, it wasn't going to be easy for day Xan. The younger man was sat on the stool by the front door, while Jay tied his shoes for him, he knew Xan was feeling apprehensive and kept a close eye on him as they drove to the hospital. He tried his usual tricks of playing Xan's favourite rock station and commenting on what he could see out of the window but nothing seemed to engage Xan, he was too worried about the appointment and what was to come. He had been through it all previously and it was one of the hardest times of his turbulent life.

"Xan, we're here." Jay said gently nudging Xan out of his daydream.

"Huh? Oh sorry I er..." Xan mumbled, looking very worried.

"Relax sweetie, it's going to be fine. I'm right here with you."

As they sat in the waiting room Jay had his hand on Xan's knee to try to calm him a little. Xan was lost, he felt scared and anxious, he wanted to get up and run away. He tried reasoning with himself, 'I'm just not ready today, i'll come back another day, yeah thats it another day will be better, easier. I should just come back on a better day.' Just as he was ready to stand up and leave, the doctor opened her door.

"Dr Thompson, hello again and you must be Xan. Im Dr Taylor, please come in." Dr Taylor spoke in a soft tone, but it did nothing to ease Xan's nerves.

Xan jumped up out of his seat and grabbed Jay's hand tightly. "I.... I .. don't want to." He stuttered staring at Jay.

"It's okay sweetie, just take a deep breath." He said trying to calm his nervous boy. "Could we just have one minute." He turned and asked Dr Taylor.

She agreed and returned to her desk to wait for them.

"Jay I.." Xan started.

"I know you're scared sweetie, that's why i'm here. Take a moment and then we will go in."

Xan shook his head, looking up at Jay with tears starting to form in his eyes. 

"We have to sweetie, Daddys word is final." Jay told Xan echoing one of his rules. 

It seemed to snap Xan out of his panic. Jay took out a tissue and wiped Xan's tear away, he gave Xan a kiss on the forehead and stood up tall. It made Xan flash a half smile at Jay, he then ushered Xan into the doctors office.

Jay let Xan do all the talking, he was just there for moral support. Some of the things Xan spoke about, hurt Jay's heart. At times he had to hold himself back from grabbing Xan and cuddling him tight. When the appointment was over, Jay quickly took Xan to the family bathroom, he knew the stress would have played havoc on his bladder. Xan was almost in a daze after the appointment, Jay cleaned him up quickly changing him into a fresh diaper. As he sat Xan up, the little one burst into tears.

"Hey hey, it's okay. You're alright sweetie, Daddy's got you. Shh now." Jay soothed Xan and held him tightly.

Xan stopped crying after a few minutes and looked up at Jay through tear stained eyes with his bottom lip poking out. "Daddy I want to go home."

"We are baby, let's get your trousers back on. Kimchi's waiting in the car for us."

He helped his sniffling boy back into his clothes, took his hand and walked him through the hospital. Xan's head drooped down and his thumb crept it's way between his lips. Holding onto Jay's hand Xan forgot where they were, he just wanted comfort and it was the quickest way. Jay noticed but didn't mention it, he instead went into overprotective mode ready to glare at anyone who dare give his little one a second look. Luckily there were no mentions of Xan or nasty looks as they left the hospital and as the entered the parking garage he scooped Xan up and carried him to where they parked. He sat Xan in his seat and buckled him in  securely.

"Hello Kimchi." Jay said to Xan's stuffed friend. "Will you sit and look after my Xan for me?" He asked as he handed Kimchi to his little one. 

Xan smiled a little as he clutched Kimchi to his face, cuddling his soft friend. As Jay got in the driving seat, he held a paci up to Xan and after the little one though about it for a moment took it into his mouth, relinquishing his thumb. Traffic was light, making their drive home smooth and swift. As they pulled up Xan got out on his own, not waiting for Jay and ran up to the front door. Jay quickly followed and opened the door for him. Just inside the door Xan dropped onto his bum and pulled off his shoes, leaving them in the middle of the hallway. He got up and ran off upstairs holding Kimchi close.

"Xan?" Jay called after him.

He tidied both his and Xan's shoes away, hung up his coat and then hurried off upstairs after Xan. He found his little one huddled in his mountain of soft toys, clutching onto Bear and Kimchi with each hand. 

"Are you okay sweetie?" Jay asked cocking his head to meet Xan's.

Xan poked out his pouty bottom lip and shrugged his shoulders.

"Shall we have some cuddle time?" 

Xan nodded and got up from his stuffed animal pile.

"Then when you're feeling better, we can talk okay?"

Xan gave a little nod, then buried his face in the safety of Jay's chest. Jay lifted Xan into his lap as he sat in the cuddle chair. As the got comfy Xan started to get upset and a little sniffly. 

"Shh shh shh." Jay soothed as he kissed the top of his head and stroked his back.

Even though Xan settled quickly, Jay knew he wasn't going to feel better so easily, with more appointments would come more tears. Jay was flipping through his phone, updating a worried Jenny about the appointment. 

"Xan how about if..." Jay started to ask. 

But before he finished speaking he noticed his little one had fallen asleep. Worn himself out from worry. He carried Xan to the bed and tucked him in, placing Bear and Kimchi at his side. He left quietly and went downstairs to his computer. There was a lot of work he needed to catch up on, taking the day off for Xan's appointment didn't mean his workload was any lighter. The minutes flew past for Jay as he phoned, emailed and typed up reports. As he sat back and smiled happy with his progress he looked at his watch.

"Shit!" He cursed. "Xan!"

Unbeknownst to Jay, nearly 3 hours had passed since he had laid Xan down for a nap. He rushed upstairs and burst into the bedroom. 

"Xan?" Jay asked, looking confused at the empty bed.

"Daddy!" Xan called happily from the playroom.

Jay spun around to see Xan sat on the floor of the playroom, surrounded by lots of lego bricks. Beaming up at Jay with his paci in his mouth and Bear huddled in his lap.

"Sweetie  i'm so sorry! I completely lost track of time. Why didn't you come get me when you woke up?" 

"A'cuse you were workin' on 'a phone and I didn' want to interrupt, so I was playing." Xan explained from behind his paci.

"Aww Xan, you wouldn't interrupt me." 

Jay felt a little dissapointed in himself, wishing he had been more attentive. Xan hopped up to cuddle Jay. As they hugged Jay stuck his finger in the waistband of Xan's diaper to check it, finding him way past due for a change.

"Let's get you changed sweetie." Jay said patting Xan's back.

As he started to change Xan, Xan asked. "Can I cook you a nice dinner tonight?" 

"Yeah! I would love that sweetie." Jay exclaimed.

They decided to pop to the supermarket, to grab some ingredients that Xan needed for his dinner. Once dressed in going out clothes they slipped on their shoes and headed out. Xan was a lot happier after his nap, his worries of the day now far away. He was looking forward to cooking for his love and his friends. Jay noticed Xan's happy mood, smiling brightly as Xan sang along to the radio on their journey. 

Jay pushed the trolley down the isles, following Xan as he bounced along infront of him finding all the ingredients he needed. After he collected all of the items off of his list, he dropped back and held onto the handle with Jay. Jay picked up a few extra things they needed and some treats along the way too. As they stood in the line to pay, Jay noticed Xan staring up at some balloons that were swaying over by the door. After they paid and bagged their shopping Jay lifted the bags into the shopping trolley and let Xan push.

"Sweetie, would you like a balloon?"

Xan blushed and lowered his head, Jay took that as a yes.

He patted Xan on the shoulder. "Can you take these to the car for me? I'll be out in just a minute." 

He handed the keys to Xan and watched as he hurried off to the SUV. Xan lifted the last of the shopping into the boot, closed the boot lid and pushed the trolley into the trolleypark. As he walked back to the SUV he spotted Jay walking over to him with a big smile and holding a big brightly coloured balloon. The floating bright blue circle with multi coloured spots captivated the younger man. Xan stared up at the balloon with sparkling eyes.

"Here sweetie." Jay held the balloon out to Xan "For you."

Xan took hold of the string and looked at Jay with an amazed expression. "Th..thankyou." 

Gripping tightly to the string, he wrapped his arms around Jay tightly. "I love it."

As soon as they got home, he ran upstairs with his balloon floating behind him to show Bear. Jay chuckled seeing Xan happily run off calling out to Bear. Jay emptied the shopping bags and had finished putting all the shopping away when Xan came back down. Jay was amazed at how a small amount of helium wrapped in colourful plastic could make Xan so happy. 

"What did Bear think?" 

"Bear loves it! He wants one too!" 

Jay chuckled. "He does? Well if he's a well behaved Bear, maybe he will get one."

Xan chuckled loudly, then skipped off to the sofa and jumped on the cushions. Jay set a sippy cup down infront of Xan and sat next to him. In the blink of an eye his little one was snuggled up against him drinking his juice. Jay flicked on one of the cartoon channels while they snuggled. He was feeling very proud of Xan, he had been through a very tough morning that had caused him great stress and he had come through the other side. Now Xan was happily snuggled with him and innocently giggling at the silly cartoons that played on the screen.

After 'cartoon cuddle time' as Xan had dubbed it, Jay was finishing up the last of his work for the day so that he could have the night free with Xan. Xan meanwhile, was busy in the kitchen cooking chicken chasseur with his creamy herb mashed potatoes and steamed green beans and broccoli. The smells emanating from the kitchen made Jay's task that little bit harder to complete. As he sent his last email, he practically slammed the laptop closed and rushed into the kitchen because the cooking was making his salivate.

"How is it coming along little chef?" Jay asked cuddling Xan from behind.

"It's ready, I.. j.. um.. I.. er..." Xan stumbled feeling anxious.

Jay turned Xan around and held his hand against Xan's face, stroking his cheek. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

Xan looked up at Jay with a tear in his eye. "I don't want any." He whispered.

He knew he should, he hadn't eaten much all day, but his brain was shouting at him to not eat anything.

"Now Xan, I know you are struggling sweetie, but you have to eat something please." Jay said in a firm but gentle tone. 

Xan's head drooped as the sadness washed over him. Jay lifted his chin up so he could look Xan in the eyes again.

"I will help you sweetie okay? We can take it slow and there is no punishments or judgements." Jay kissed Xan and helped him serve the dinner.

They made small talk as they ate dinner, Jay was careful to avoid talking about the appointment or about Xan's dinner. Jay finished his dinner and complimented Xan.

"That was so tasty sweetie, thankyou." He leaned over and kissed Xan's cheek. 

Xan flashed a quick smile before his face dropped. He hadn't managed to eat much dinner, just pushing it around the plate instead. He felt bad for not being able to, but he was fighting back horrible feelings. 

Jay leant over and stroked Xan's hair. "I know you're trying sweetheart, I do. But i'm going to take over now." 

Xan nodded and as Jay lifted him into his lap, wrapping one arm around his waist. Jay slid Xan's plate infront of them and fed him small pieces of chicken and vegetable slowly. He praised him and stroked his hair while allowing Xan lots of time to finish each mouthful. It was difficult and progress was slow but with Jay's help Xan managed to finish his small piece of chicken and a reasonable amount of his vegetables.

"Okay sweetie, last bite."

Xan accepted the last bite of green bean and sat in his own chair while Jay cleared the plates away. Jay made quick work of the washing up and turned to see Xan standing in the doorway.

"Can I go exercise please?" Xan asked.

"No baby, i'm afraid not. Not tonight." Jay told him.

Xan's face drops, there's a sick horrible feeling in his stomach. He felt fat, disgusting and repulsed by himself. Staring down at his feet as the tears dripped off the end of his nose. He was frustrated, he just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. Jay stepped up to Xan and cuddled him.

"I know you're frustrated baby and I am sorry, but you can exercise tomorrow with me." Jay said holding Xan tight.

"But.. I n.. need to.. d... I ..." Xan tried to speak but he was feeling flustered.

"Shh." Jay rubbed his back. "No more about it now. Come and cuddle for a bit sweetie. Then we can have a bath."

Jay led Xan to the sofa and flicked on the tv while they got comfy. Xan was frustrated with himself, he felt ill and wanted to exercise so badly to burn off what he had eaten. Inevitably as Jay cuddled him, Xan started to weep. Jay had expected Xan to fight him when it came to food, but seeing him so defeated and hearing him cry made Jay feel his struggle. 

"It's going to be okay baby." Jay said cuddling Xan. "We will make it all better."

He held his boy as he cried his tears out. Once Xan had settled, he slipped his thumb into his mouth as he clung onto Jay and snuggled. After their show on tv had finished, Jay declared it was bathtime. Jay filled the bath with warm soapy water and added sweet smelling bubbles and the rubber ducks. Xan was sat on the closed toilet, with his thumb still in his mouth waiting for the bath to fill.

"Okay, ready to get in sweetie?" Jay smiled at Xan.

"Mhmm." Xan nodded.

He stood up and pulled off his diaper, then climbed into the bath with Jay's help. He smiled up at Jay as he soaked in the warm bubbly bath.

"Have a little play sweetie, i'll be right back." Jay said as he kissed the top of Xan's head.

With that Jay left to set some things up. As Xan played with the ducks he could see Jay going past the door a few times. When Jay came back into the bathroom, Xan greeted him by squeaking one of the duckies at him. He chuckled and rubbed Xan's head. The rest of the bath was full of smiles and giggles as he helped Xan wash his hair, before helping him out and wrapping him in a fluffy white towel. He let Xan dry himself, but stepped in to help him dry his hair. He tickled Xan, making him giggle loudly and run away into the playroom. 

Xan lay down on the change mat after he had chosen which diaper he wanted, so Jay could tape him into his fresh padding. Then he was helped into his chosen onesie, his blue and green spotted one, that Jay had gifted him and had immediately become one of his favourites. Xan got up to go downstairs but was pulled back by Jay.

"Hang on sweetie, I thought we would have a movie night in bed." Jay smiled. "We can snuggle and have an early night."

Xan bounded into the bedroom and jumped onto the bed. Jay watched and smiled as his little one flopped on the bed. Xan smiled brightly at Jay and held his arms out to him. 

"Now you know I have a long shift tomorrow, so I have left you a list of things that you need to do alright? You can call me anytime during the day and I will come home at lunchtime so we can eat together. But you must promise not to exercise, okay?"

Xan looked up at Jay while he thought about what Jay had said. He paused for a moment and nodded. Without saying anything he stuck up his little finger for a pinky promise. Jay smiled and locked his little finger with Xan's

"Good boy." Jay smiled and kissed him. "Let's get comfy sweetie."

They snuggled under the covers in each others arms, Jay had laid out some drinks and snacks on the bedside table and chosen some silly films that they would both enjoy. The first being Beetlejuice.

"Do you remember when we first watched this together?"

Xan looked at Jay with his paci in his mouth and nodded.

"You fell asleep in my arms on the sofa and I had to help you upstairs to bed." Jay reminisced, while running his hands through Xan's long, sweet, strawberry smelling hair. "I felt like the luckiest guy in the world when I looked down at the sweetest sleepy boy I had ever seen cuddled up next to me. And I still do." He nuzzled against Xan's cheek, making him giggle.

Jay loved Xan's giggle. Actually he loved his smell, his kindness, his innocence and well just about everything that he could think of. He couldn't think of anywhere he would rather be than snuggled up with Xan, watching movies in bed and hearing Xan's heartwarming giggles.


	10. Another Sick Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xan get's sick, which interrupts his plans with Jay

Unfortunately Jay was so busy that he wasn't able to go home for lunch with Xan. Instead he had to grab a quick bite to eat from the cafeteria and work through paperwork as he ate. For Jay, keeping busy made the day fly by. It wasn't until his shift was over that he realized he hadn't heard much from Xan today. He sent Xan another text, just asking whether he would like him to pick anything up on his way home. But as he got closer to home there was still no reply and Jay started to worry.

As he pulled into the driveway everything looked normal, still he felt uneasy. He let himself in and called out to Xan.

"Xan, I'm home!"

Jay hung up his coat and tidied his shoes away and out of the corner of his eye he saw Xan shuffling his way towards him.

"Hi sweetie. Did you get my text?" Jay said as he wrapped an arm around him.

Xan sniffed and shook his head.

"Sweetie are you alright?" Jay asked feeling a little concerned. He placed a hand on Xan's forehead. "Baby, you're burning up."

"I was sick." Xan mumbled.

"You threw up? Oh sweetie." Jay cuddled his little one. "Did you make it to the toilet?"

Xan nodded. "I feel icky."

"Aw baby boy," As he cuddled Xan, he checked his diaper. "I think you need a change. Let's get you freshened up, then i'll get you some medicine." Jay said as he lifted Xan into his arms.

Xan coughed and sniffled as Jay carried himto the playroom. He was quickly changed into a fresh diaper and a cosy sleeper, then lastly Jay popped a paci into Xan's mouth. 

"I'm just going to get changed sweetie, then we'll get you some medicine okay?

Xan nodded at Jay, then the little one crawled over to his stuffed animal pile. Jay chuckled as he disappeared into the bedroom to change out of his work clothes. After Jay had freshened up, he returned to the playroom and found Xan surrounded by his many stuffed friends.

"Okay sweetie, choose some friends to come with us and we'll get you comfy on the sofa." 

Xan weakly lifted some friends for Jay to help carry. He tried to stand up, but felt dizzy and fell back onto his bum.

"Oh, let me help you baby." Jay leant down and lifted Xan into his arms. 

He could hear Xan's chest wheeze as he held him. Xan lay his head on Jay's shoulder as he was carried down to the comfy sofa. Kimchi was already waiting for them with Xan's blanket, bundeled up next to him. Jay set him down with Kimchi and his stuffed friends from upstairs. He had puppy Max, Dylan the stegosaurus, Pluto, Wiinie the Pooh and of course Bear. He was setting them up in their places, while Jay was in the kitchen gathering juice, medicine and tissues for Xan.

"Here sweetie." Jay said handing his little one cold and flu tablets.

He took them with his juice, then quickly had to grab a tissue. Xan sniffed and tried to blow his nose, but it just made him cough and splutter. Xan felt really weak and his body ached all over. Looking up at Jay starting to feel upset and his bottom lip started to quiver. Jay sat next to him and cuddled his clingy boy.

"I know little one." Jay stroked Xan's back, feeling Xan start to sniffle.

He buried himself in Jay's warmth, he was upset and sick and needed Jay's comfort. Xan was always clingy and needy when he got sick, but Jay was there to take care of him. His main attention was making sure Xan didn't wipe his nose on his sleeve and keeping the tissues at hand but he also kept him topped up with juice and warm in his blanket. 

"Daddy?" He sniffed.

"Yes Sweetie?"

"What about 'a party tomorrow?"

"Oh I forgot about that. I hate to say it sweetie, but I think you might have to give it a miss."

Xan was reffering to the event that Jay had been invited to on the Sunday evening. It wasn't much of a party, it was a formal gala dinner that Jay had been asked to attend by his boss at the hospital. It was to honor people from the community and Jay had been roped into going to these type of events before and didn't enjoy them. He was rather surprised that Xan wanted to go, but Xan wanted to see what it was all about and it was a nice excuse to dress smartly.

Xan stuck his bottom lip out as he looked to Jay. "Do you hav' a go?"

"Yeah baby I do." Jay replied feeling dissapointed.

He stroked Xan's back to soothe him. He felt bad that he had to leave Xan, especially as he was sick. Before Jay could apologise, Xan quickly grabbed a tissue and sneezed forcefully, shaking his whole body. He coughed and spluttered before leaning back down against Jay. Jay stroked his little one's hair, while he though about how he could get out of going to the event so that he could stay home and look after Xan. His little one clung to his tshirt as Jay was busy texting. A few minutes later he sighed as he got a reply denying him from flaking out on the event. His eyes were drawn down as he noticed Xan was chewing on the collar of his shirt while he started to doze. He chuckled to himself and snapped a selfie. He was sending the picture to Jenny when an idea flew into his head.

Jay: Fancy babysitting for me tomorrow?

Jen: Aw that is adorable! I thought you two were off out?

Jay: Xan is sick. I still have to go but I don't really want to leave him on his own.

Jen: Well in that case i'd be happy too. It's lucky really, Daisy is off out leaving me on my own.

Jay and Jenny chatted a little, he would pay for a takeaway for her as Xan wouldn't eat much of anything. He would leave some soup and things in the fridge for him if he wanted anything. Jenny was still happy to look after Xan after Jay told her about his illness and what he needed. 

Now that Xan was snoozing with his thumb in place of Jay's collar, he expertly slipped off of the sofa being careful not to wake him. He disappeared into the kitchen to make them some dinner. He warmed some noodle soup for the both of them with buttered bread fingers on the side. Jay took it all into the front room, where Xan was snoozing. He let Xan sleep while he tucked into his own,  quickly devouring his portion and taking the bowl back out to the kitchen.

When he returned to the sofa, Xan was stirring. Jay leant over and gently brushed Xan's hair out of his face.

"Xaaaan." He sung. 

Xan opened his heavy eyelids, to look at Jay. He sniffed and coughed hard as he began to sit up. Jay helped him sit up, steadying his sick boy. 

"Have some soup sweetie, it'll help you get some strength back."

Xan shuffled to the edge of the sofa while Jay grabbed a tissue and helped Xan blow his nose.

"Thank'ou."

"You're welcome sweetie."

Jay scooted close to Xan and put his arm around his back, while letting Xan make a start on his soup. It took him a long time for Xan to eat his small amount of soup, but Jay kept encouraging him as he ate. When he was done Jay paised his little one's efforts proudly. Xan coughed with great force as Jay came back from taking his bowl to the kitchen for him. He looked at Xan's face and could see tears in eyes.

"Are you alright sweetie?

Xan was frozen on the spot. "I... n.. eed a ch... ange." He whimpered.

Jay knew just what to do, he leaned over and kissed Xan on the head.

"Let's get you upstairs baby. We'll get you in a nice warm bath and get you freshened up."

Upstairs Jay ran the bath adding Xan's favourite bubble bath, before turning his attention to help clean Xan up to get him ready for his bath. He made quick work of easing Xan's discomfort and once he was ready, got him settled into the warm, soapy water. He brought in the diffuser he had stowed away in the cupboard and put in some eucalyptus oil to help relieve some of Xan's congestion. Jay washed his weak little one, letting the comforting water ease his aching muscles.

He coughed into his hand, jolting his body. "I'm sorry I can't come to your party because I got sick." Xan's voice sounded truly sad.

"You can't choose when you get ill sweetie." Jay smiled.

Xan turned to Jay looking very upset. "An' i'm sorry you had to help clean me up." Xan sniffed and sniffed, being upset wasn't helping his illness.

"Don't cry sweetie." Jay wiped Xan's tear away. "I choose to look after you because I love you Xan. So no more tears, okay?"

Jay gently washed Xan from head to toe as Xan coughed and sniffed. Putting his hand on his back, he could feel how wheezy his little one's chest was. Jay made a mental note to bring the diffuser with them tonight.

"How about we go to bed baby? We can watch tv in bed, i'll get the tissues, the medicine and drinks for you. We'll keep you snuggled up in bed, nice and warm."

"Mmm... *cough! cough!*.. can we watch Pokemon?" Xan asked as he coughed into his hand.

"Yeah sweetie we can." Jay said as he helped Xan out of the bath.

He gently dried Xan and helped him to the playroom, so he could get his little one freshly diapered for bed. Xan picked out a bambino diaper and a soft, stripy sleeper to wear.

Once dressed Xan sat by his stuffed animal mountain choosing who he would like to come and snuggle with, while Jay went to get everything from downstairs.

He chose puppy Max, Mimikyu and Bear. Jay had laid everything out in the bedroom ready for him, making sure there were enough drinks and lots of tissues. He also moved the diffuser to Xan's side of the bed and refilled it so it would last longer. 

Standing at the playroom door he held his hand out to Xan. "Come baby boy."

They snuggled in bed for the rest of the night with Xan frequently drifting off to sleep and waking up again. As it got later, Jay changed his sleepy boy once more and got him to take his medicine, hoping the sleep aid in the flu tablets would ease Xan's symptoms overnight allowing him to get some much needed rest. Jay got himself ready for bed, flicked everything off and climbed into bed. Flicking through his phone before he let out a long yawn, he set it down on the bedside table and snuggled down into the covers with Xan.

*  
  
Predictably Xan didn't have a comfortable night and his day was not much better. After attempting some breakfast he was sick again. Jay had made him a little den on the sofa with lots of stuffed friends, blankets and tissues at an easy reach. When Jay wasn't rushing around after Xan, keeping him clean and topped up with juice, he was on the sofa and either had Xan sat in his lap or his little one laying down with his head in his lap.

The day went by with lots of coughs and sniffles and cuddles. Xan managed to eat some bread and keep it down, but still wasn't able to get more than a few minutes sleep. As it neared the evening Jay begrudingly had to get himself ready to go out. He was looking forward to it even less than normal, now that Xan couldn't go. None the less he had to be punctual, so he put on his suit and tightened his tie as he checked his appearance in the mirror.

He let out a sigh, then went and sat wiith Xan until Jenny arrived. Xan was being extra clingy and Jay knew he didn't want him to go. He would never ask Jay to stay, when he knew he had to go. But that wasn't going to make the night easier for either of them. 'Knock Knock'. Jay patted Xan's head and gently eased himself off the sofa. Xan smiled at Jay with his thumb loosely hanging from his mouth.

"Hi Jen, come in." Jay welcomed.

"Looking very smart there sir." 

Jay chuckled. "Thanks, Xan's on the sofa." He said showing her in.

"Hi munchkin." Jenny said bending down to stroke Xan's head. "Are we a little poorly?"

Xan smiled up at Jenny, still silent. 

"I think he's a little tired, he didn't have his nap today or sleep much last night." Jay explained. "Right, sweetie. I have to go now, but I'll be back as soon as it's over. You have fun with Jen and Bear okay?"

Xan coughed and spluttered as he sat up to say goodbye to Jay. Jay cuddled his little one and stroked his back. 

"Have a nice *cough* ..time Daddy... *sniff*" Xan managed to say. 

Jay got a tissue and wiped Xan's nose for him. Such a simple thing but Jenny could feel the love Jay had for Xan. Jay stroked Xan's head as he stood up. 

"Thankyou for this" He said turning to Jenny. "There's menus and money on the side, Xan has some soup left if he's hungry and..." Jay then started to whisper. "... keep an eye on his diaper, he hasn't much control when he's ill."

"Relax, i've got this. It's one munchkin, what could go wrong?"

Jay just gave her a look.

"Stop worrying, go to your thing." Jenny chuckled. She pointed to the door and ordered Jay out.

After another quick goodbye, Jay left for his event and Jenny came back to the sofa with Xan. Xan coughed hard, violently jerking his body. Jenny quickly leaned over to rub his back and steady the young man.

"Aw munchkin. Are you alright?" 

Xan nodded as he cleared his throat. 

"Here lay back down honey." She said ushering him down on the comfy sofa. "Drink some juice, it will soothe your throat." 

Jenny was on the sofa with Xan laying next to her drinking a little of his juice from his bottle. 

"How about we watch some Simpsons, hmm?" Jenny suggested.

Looking down at Xan, she saw a faint nod giving her the okay to change the channel. They sat watching the tv, with Jenny periodically making sure Xan had tissues and drank his juice. Xan was snuggled with Bear happily watching tv, when Jenny decided to check his diaper. It had only been 40 minutes since Jay had left but unfortunately for Xan he was soaked. 

"You're soaked munchkin, we need to get you changed." 

"I can do.. *cough cough!*.." Xan tried say as he sat up, but only succeded in inciting a coughing fit. Xan was overcome with dizziness and fell gently back down onto the sofa. 

"I know you're embarrassed munchkin, but you need to let me help you okay?"

Xan looked at Jenny with embarrassment plastered on his face. She helped Xan to the other side of the sofa and lay him on his back, feeling a little surprised at how light Xan was. Xan hid behind Bear and Jenny made quick work of changing him.

"There, all done." Jenny announced. "See? It wasn't that bad right?" She smiled down at Xan as he gingerly pulled Bear away from his face.

Xan shook his head and flashed a brief smile at Jenny. 

"Okay munchkin, how about we try a little dinner, hmm?" Jenny asked lifting Xan up, sitting him in his den of stuffed friends and blankets. 

Jenny patted his head and went off to warm up Xan's soup for him. As she worked in the kitchen she could hear Xan sneezing and sniffling back on the sofa. "Poor munchkin." She thought to herself.

Jenny brought Xan's soup and some cut up bread pieces on a tray in and set it on the coffee table. Xan coughed and spluttered as he tried to thank her. Jenny let Xan eat unaided, she knew of his aversion to food and didn't want to force him with his illness on top of everything. Luckily though he managed almost all of his meal, before he got comfy back in his blankets.

"Well done munchkin. I think it's time I got myself a little something." Jenny said picking up the takeaway menu's.

After she phoned the resturant she turned back to find Xan starting to fall asleep, which made her smile. Gently she pulled the blanket all the way over Xan so he would  stay cosy. As Xan started to drift off he whimpered and groaned, Jenny sat close to him and stroked his hair, to try and calm him a little. He was still quite wheezy so breathing was a struggle when he tried to sleep. 

Xan had managed to drift off to sleep, but then the door knocked loudly, making Xan jump and burst into tears after being startled awake.

"Oh munchkin. Im sorry." Jenny said as she quickly paid off the delivery man. She dumped her takeaway on the coffee table to tend to Xan. "Don't cry honey, it's alright." She knelt down next to Xan and stroked his hair. "There there, shh, go back to sleep munchkin." 

Jenny managed to calm Xan quick enough but once again he was unable to sleep. He shuffled his way up on the sofa so he was more upright.

"I'm sorry munchkin, are you alright?" Jenny asked as she sat next to Xan. "It was a bit of a shock wasn't it? hmm?" She rubbed Xan's shoulders.

Xan rubbed his eyes and nodded, then slipped his thumb in his mouth. "w'at was it?"

"It was just my food honey." Jenny reassured him. "Do you want to try some?"

Xan was unusually curious about her food and Jenny was more than happy to let him try some. She had ordered from her favourite thai restaurant, thai red curry, Pad thai, tom yum soup and her favourite dish yam nua. As Xan ate small bites of the new food, the flavours burst on his tongue. Even though his taste buds were stunted by his illness, he decided that he would have to get Jay to order some when he was better.

  
At the gala event Jay was uncharacteristically aloof, some would even say sulky. The evening was dragging and even the officials at the event looked bored. Even the food, although presented well and most likely expensive, tasted bland to Jay. The mood he was in, only Xan's homecooked food would satisfy him. The one saving grace of the event was Tina found Jay after a couple of hours and invited him to her table.

"What's eating you tonight?" Tina asked.

"Huh? Oh sorry I was miles away." Jay replied, looking a little bewildered.

Tina smirked. "I said, what's eating you tonight? Your not yourself."

"Yeah sorry. I hate coming to these things... and Xan's sick, I should be at home looking after him but I couldn't get out of coming." 

Now Tina was getting to the truth of the matter, she had plan. "Why don't we slip out in a bit? When they all go into the ballroom, no-one will notice"

Jay's ears pricked up at this. "Really?"

"Sure i've been looking to slip out for the last hour anyway." Tina laughed.

Jay hugged Tina. "You're the best."

"I know." Tina laughed.

  
Back at the house Xan was feeling a little stronger after eating and after taking his medicine his coughing and sniffling was settling a little too. He was curled up with his head in Jenny's lap, snoozing on the sofa. Jenny was happy that Xan was feeling a little better and was snoozing in her lap, not just because she got control of the tv, but because he was comfortable around her now. 

Jenny's head snapped round to the door to see Jay letting himself in. She quickly put her finger to her lips to tell Jay to be quiet, before smiling and motioning him over with a wave.

"You're back early, I was going to get him up soon." She whispered to Jay.

"Ah yeah, we ducked out early. It was so boring." Jay whispered back. "Wow, you got him to sleep!"

"Yep. Fed, changed and sleeping. He even tried my takeaway." Jenny whispered proudly.

"I'm impressed." Jay knelt infront of Jenny so he was face to face with Xan. "Xaaann." He sung.

Xan's eyes slowly flicked open and he got a look at Jay kneeling infront of him. "Daddy?" His drowsy voice squeaked. 

"Hi baby boy." Jay happily greeted him. He lifted Xan up, giving him a big cuddle. "Ooh I missed you." Jay said, inhaling his little ones scent.

Xan coughed and sniffed. "I missed you too."

"Thankyou Jen, he wasn't too much of a handful was he?" Jay asked sarcastically.

"No! I was good!" Xan piped up, making Jenny and Jay laugh.

"He was good as gold. He had some soup and some bits of thai food." Jenny said.

"Mmm was nice." Xan added.

"It was?" Jay feigned surprise.

Jenny smiled. "Yep, we watched Simpsons, he took his medicine and had a little snooze. One happy munchkin." 

"Sounds like you two had fun. What do you say to Jenny for looking after you?" Jay prompted him.

*Cough cough* "Thankyou miss Jenny."

"You are welcome munchkin, I hope you feel better soon. When you are, you two will have to come over for dinner sometime." Jenny suggested.

"We would like that, we could have thai if you like. Thankyou for tonight." 

Jay thanked Jenny and with Xan still in his arms, walked her out. They both waved until Jenny drove out of sight. Jay let Xan down because the little one had to rush off and blow his nose.

"Did you have a nice time?" 

"Not really sweetie, it was pretty dull. I would have much rather been here looking after you." Jay smiled as he watched Xan.

Xan coughed hard. He picked up his stuffed friends and took them over to Jay. The two went upstairs so Jay could get changed. Xan sat cross legged on the bed, watching Jay get out of his suit. Jay hung up his suit and changed into a comfy tshirt. As he turned to Xan, he saw the tired little rubbing his eyes.

"Get comfy sweetie, i'll just get you your nightime medicine." He kissed Xan's forehead. "I'll be right back."

Jay was back in a flash with Xan's tablet and a sippy cup of juice. On the bed was a very tired Xan, trying his best to stay sat upright. Jay stroked Xan's back as he gave him his tablet and juice. With the juice put aside, Jay got into bed and pulled Xan ontop of him. Xan's head lay on Jay's chest and his legs between Jay's. In no time at all Xan was asleep, happily snuggled in Jay's arms. Jay patted his padded bum and planted soft, sweet kisses to the top of Xan's head. Very soon he too drifted into a blissful sleep.


	11. Dinner with Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay and Xan take Jenny up on her offer of treating them to a thai dinner

With Jay's help and the medicine, Xan's flu was gone in just a few short days. It was midweek and Jay had a rare day off. They had decided to take Jenny up on the offer of a thai dinner at her place. Xan was feeling little this morning and was playing with his toys in the playroom. Jay had decided to do some washing and general housework before lunch to get it out of the way for Xan, as he knew that after lunch Xan would have to work on his artwork before they went to Jenny and Daisy's place.

Jay walked from room to room carrying the washing basket and picking up all loose items of clothing that hadn't made it into the pile. He stood over the bed looking at Bear, lifting him up he gave him a quick sniff. 

"Oh Bear, you smelly boy, I think it's time for you to have a wash." He said quietly to himself.

He plopped Bear on the top of the pile, turned around and walked down to the kitchen. Xan's eyes clocked onto Bear's paw sticking up from the washing basket. He stood from his mass of toy cars and followed Jay downstairs. In the kitchen he caught up with Jay as he was putting the washing into the machine. He sat on the floor next to Jay, with his paci bobbing between his lips and watching closely as Bear was placed inside.

"Hi sweetie." Jay smiled as he noticed Xan next to him. "Bear needs a quick wash, he's getting a little ripe." Jay explained, patting Xan's head.

Xan looked up at Jay with big wide eyes, sparkling as Jay looked into them. Jay could tell Xan was anxious about being seperated from his best stuffed friend. 

"He'll be all clean in just 40 minutes baby, okay?" 

Xan gave Jay a little nod as the older man pressed the button making the washing machine hum to life. Jay took the basket back upstairs to the bathroom, then returned to the kitchen to get on with the days chores. He came back and found Xan sat infront of the washing machine watching intently as the clothing and Bear span around and around.

"Sweetie are you going to sit and watch the whole time?" Jay said with a chuckle.

Xan looked up at Jay and nodded.

"Okay. You can keep me company while I clean too." 

If he was honest Jay was happy to have some company, he flicked on the radio to Xan's favourite station while he started cleaning up. When Jay had finished he looked back to the washing machine and seeing it only had 2 more minutes until it was finished, he sat behind Xan and cuddled up to him. When the machine beeped to confirm it was finished, Xan turned his head to Jay and pointed toward the machine.

"Yep all finished. Open the door and we'll put him in the dryer." Jay smiled.

Seeing Xan's sweet smile made Jay feel really warm inside. Xan pulled the soggy but comforting smelling Bear from machine and gently handed him Jay. Jay took care putting Bear into the dryer and flicked the switch to turn it on. He knew Xan wanted to wait for Bear again but he thought he could use the time getting Xan to help make lunch.

"Okay mister, let's make some lunch. Then it will be ready for the hungry Bear when he's dry."

The two sliced some bread and cut up some fruit, making sandwiches for each of them and a plate of sliced fruit for the table. As the dryer beeped, Xan spun around and opened the door in a flash. He held Bear out, admiring his bright white fuzzy fur. He brought Bear close to his face and inhaled his fresh scent.

"Is he all nice and clean now?" Jay asked.

Xan set his paci on the side. "He's so clean! And smells so good." Xan smiled, holding Bear out to Jay. "Thankyou~." Xan sung.

Jay took ahold of Bear, checking him over. "You're welcome sweetie. Yep looking good Bear." Jay chuckled.

He sat Bear on the table behind the plate of fruit. They sat and ate lunch together, Xan's eyes were on Bear the whole time, admiring his handsome, freshly washed stuffed friend. Xan managed his whole sandwich with no resistance and even picked a few pieces of fruit on his own accord, offering them to Bear first before he ate them. Jay smiled at how cute it was, even though he knew Xan was coming out of his little headspace. Little things he had picked up on in their time together, things like Xan would take his paci out and not put it back in. Also the way he sat, as a little he would slouch more and when he was more adult he would sit upright. There was also the way he would eat, a little more refined than when in littlespace. 

"I should really get to work." Xan announced. He leaned over and kissed Jay. "Thankyou for lunch."

And with that he slipped off to his art room. It was a relatively big project for Xan this week, it was a bit of a rush though to get it done by the end of the week. Because of his illness though it meant he had to work long hours to get it finished by his deadline and his time with Jay would take a hit, except today of course.

As time wore on Jay checked in on Xan, who by now was fully immersed in his work, so much so that he didn't notice Jay come in. 

"Xan are you ready to finish for the day? We have to get going soon." 

Xan flipped around a little startled. "Oh, er... 10 more minutes?" Xan asked. "I'll just finish this bit and then we can get ready, yeah...?" Xan haggled.

Jay chuckled, he admired Xan's work ethic and how he loved his job. "10 minutes. If you aren't finished, I might just have to come and pick you up over my shoulder." Jay joked.

Xan agreed. Jay knew that he wouldn't remember the time, so he set him a little alarm on his phone and left it on the desk behind him. Jay went off upstairs to lay out their clothes and pack Xan's diaper bag. With 10 minutes gone as predicted, Xan was still adding bits to his painting when the alarm went off.

"Huh?" Xan turned, feeling a little bewildered and flicked off the alarm. "That went fast."

He put his paintbrush in the pot of water and left the artroom. When he got upstairs, he found Jay waiting for him. 

"There he is!" Jay cheered. "Let's get you in a fresh diaper, then you can get dressed."

Xan hugged Jay. "Mmm alright."

Jay walked Xan to the change mat, knowing that a more grown up Xan didn't much like to be carried. It was a swift change and Xan hopped up to his feet.

"Do we have to dress smart?"

"No sweetie, you can wear whatever you want to." Jay replied.

Xan picked out his comfy black jeans and a nice red striped tshirt. Jay wore his Jeans, with a longsleeve blue shirt.

"I like that shirt." Xan smiled.

"Oh thankyou. Maybe you can help me take it off later." Jay leaned over and kissed Xan, making him blush. 

On their way out Jay grabbed Bear and Xan's paci, sliding them in the diaper bag just in case. In the car Xan was busy playing Pokemon on his phone, while Jay drove the short distance to Jenny's place. It was busy on Jenny's road, so Jay had to park down the street a little way. When they got out, Jay held Xan's hand as they walked and made sure he looked both ways before they crossed the road. Xan chuckled when Jay asked him if the road was clear, but it made him feel safe. When they got to the door, Jenny was already waiting for them.

"Hi guys!" Jenny waved, greeting them.

"Hey Jen, did you hear us coming?" Jay laughed.

"No no, I was just getting some drinks out of the car." She explained. "Go on in, Daisy's in there somewhere, just follow the noise." She laughed.

The two went inside kicking off their shoes by the door. Xan clung close to Jay, feeling a little nervous in the new place. Jay followed the noise to the living room where Daisy was jumping about dancing to the cartoons on tv. She saw the two guys come in and turned to face them still jumping.

"Hey Jay! Hi Xan! What are you guys doing here?" 

"We came over for dinner, did Jen not tell you?" Jay replied.

"Oh! Thats what she was saying! I wasn't really listenening." Daisy then spotted Xan's colourful phone screen. "Whatch'a playing?"

"Pokemon go." Xan told her.

"I play too, wanna battle?" Daisy said feeling hopeful.

"Sure, as long as you dont mind losing." Xan smirked.

"Oh yeah? We'll see!"

Xan and Daisy sat opposite each other on the floor, with each of their phones, facing off their prized Pokemon against each other. Jay smiled and went off to find Jenny.

"Need a hand with anything?" Jay asked.

"Nah, you two can pick what you'd like to order though." Jenny turned to find Xan missing. "Wheres munchkin?"

"Playing Pokemon with Daisy."

"Hah oh, well thats them occupied then." Jenny laughed.

Jay and Jenny chatted away in the kitchen, sipping coffee and talking about work, when they were interrupted by Daisy's sudden appearance.

"Hey Daze, who won?" Jenny asked.

".. dunno..." Was the sulky response they got.

"Uh oh, come here." Jenny held her arms out.

"Don't feel too bad Daisy." Jay patted her on the head. "I'm going to find Xan."

Jenny cuddled her sulking little. "Are you alright? Do you need a change?"

"He's too good! He beat every single one!" Daisy complained. "Uh and.. yes."

Jenny took Daisy upstairs for a quick wardrobe change. Jay meanwhile found Xan sitting on the floor in the living room, looking through one of Daisy's books. Jay sat close to him on the floor.

"You okay there sweetie?" He asked rubbing Xan's back.

"Mmm." Xan mumbled, his thumb creeping its way up closer to his mouth. "Daisy wasn't happy." He looked up at Jay with those big bright eyes.

"She's alright sweetie, she just doesn't like to lose. It's just a game though don't worry." Jay reassurred him. "I brought the menu's for you to have a look at. Shall we have choose something nice? hmm?"

Xan dropped the book down and leaned against Jay, opening up one of the menus. The two perused the menu for a few minutes.

"What 'id Jenny eat?" Xan asked.

His thumb had now made its way firmly between his lips. Jay smiled at Xan, knowing he was feeling little again and liking it. He lifted Xan into his lap and snuggled his little one.

"We can ask her when she comes down." Jay smiled.

Xan cuddled against Jay, relishing his comforting smell and warmth. Jay reached for Xan's diaper bag and pulled out his paci, gently removing his thumb and popping the paciin between his lips.

"T'ank'ou." Xan whispered.

"You're welcome sweetie." Jay kissed Xan's head. 

They cuddled for a minute or two until Xan heard Jenny and Daisy coming back down the stairs. Jay let him up and he sped off to meet the girls.

"Woah speedy munchkin." Daisy chuckled. 

They let out a joint smile, seeing Xan was happy and little in front of them.

"Wha' 'as the food 'ou had 'hen you ca'e o'er 'he o'her day?" He said confidently.

Luckily Jenny had experience in decifering paci talk.

"The things you tried were called Yam Neua, Pad thai and thai red curry, honey."

Xan had an excited expression and ran off back to tell Jay before he forgot their names. Jenny and Daisy let out a little giggle seeing Xan run off. He bounded into the living room and flopped down infront of Jay.

"There he is!" Jay cheered, smiling at Xan.

"Miss Jenny said pad thai, red cu'y an' Yam some'fing... .. I forgot the las' one." Xan said feeling annoyed with himself.

Jay smirked at how cute Xan was, trying to remember the dishes he wanted. He was cuddling his little one as the girls joined them. Jay handed Jenny the menu and pointed out the dishes they wanted.

"Okay, I'm going to order the food, you guys can get comfy." Jenny said, before leaving to the kitchen.

Daisy bounced around the room, before settling infront of her chair. An empty spot in the middle of the scattered toys, crayons and books that littered the room. Looking around, she grabbed one of her magazines that were around her. Jay was sat next to Xan, leaning against the sofa, with his arm around him. Xan was happy watching the cartoons Daisy had left on, his paci bobbing in his mouth and his body huddled up to Jay. 

"All done, it'll be here shortly." Jenny announced as she came into the living room. 

"Yayyy!" Daisy cheered.

"Do you want help setting the table?" Jay offered.

"Nah, I'll just bring plates in here and we can put it all out here." Jenny smiled. "That means these toys and crayons and things need tdying away, Daze." 

"Yeah?" Daisy asked looking up from her colouring.

"Toys need tidying please."

"Urrghh." Daisy let out a grumble. "Fine, but I get two cookies later." She tried to bargain.

"If you're a good girl between then and now." Jenny nodded.

Daisy gasped and smiled. Like a whirlwind Daisy grabbed a big canvas bag and ran around the room, tucking toys and crayons and books in the bag. When she had picked up most of them, the bag was getting heavy. So she dragged the canvas bag to the wall and let it flop in the corner of the room.

"Done, done doooonnnneeee." She sung, with a little twirl.

Not long after, the doorbell rang letting them all know the food had arrived. Daisy bounced in her seat cheering, while Jenny opened the door. She layed out the containers in the middle of the living room so it would be easy to reach each dish. Everyone had a plate and forks, so they could choose whatever they wanted. 

Jay dished up a plate for Xan and took out his paci, setting it in the diaper bag.

"Thanks." Xan murmured quietly.

"You're welcome sweetie." Jay tucked into his own portion. "Mmm this is nice."

All four tucked into their dinner, enjoying the flavours and different dishes. Jenny and Jay ate a little more refined than their littles, they spoke a little about the food as they enjoyed their dinner. Daisy had eaten quickly and managed to get it all over her face. Putting her plate down and holding her hands out to Jenny, as she always did, signaling she was ready for a wet wipe.

Jenny chuckled and handed one to Daisy. "Here mucky moo."

Xan was eating a little more slowly than the others but he was making good progress for him. Jay was chatting away with Jenny, when the little one put his plate down and pushed it away.

"Can you try a little more sweetie?" Jay encouraged.

"Nuu uuuh." Xan pushed the plate furthur away, shaking his head.

"Yes please." Jay said as he lifted Xan into his lap. "We'll just have a little bit more sweetie."

Xan grumbled and wriggled a little in Jay's lap. He really didn't want anymore and he knew Jay would persist in trying to persuade him to eat some more. Xan looked at Jay with tears in those big bright eyes.

"I know sweetie, just a little bit though okay? I promise." Jay said trying to soothe him.

Xan sat and thought about it for a minute, before he replied. "Can I choose which bits?"

"Yes you can." Jay agreed as he kissed him on the head.

Xan flicked and picked at his dinner, grumbling a little as he did. After 10 minutes Xan had only eaten a very small piece of carrot, so Jay decided it was time to help out. He gently took the fork from Xan and scooped up a piece of the spicy beef he had seen Xan enjoy earlier on. Xan chewed on it, but even though it was a small piece he struggled to swallow it down. Jay noticied Xan was struggling a little, so cuddled him to try to make him more comfortable.

After two more little bites of dinner, Jay reluctantly decided to stop. It was just going to get tougher and would stress Xan out more and more. He pushed the plate away letting Jay know it was the end and he had reached his limit. 

"Okay sweetie, here." Jay handed Xan his paci.

He cheerfully popped his paci in, happy that dinner was over. Jenny was sat with Daisy on the sofa, they tried not to pay attention to Xan as he ate because they knew it was a tough subject for him and staring at the poor boy while he struggled was likely to make him refuse to eat all together. 

"Caaaan we watch the movie now? Please?" Daisy begged. 

"Alright alright." Jenny chuckled. 

She flicked it over to the channel and gave the control to Daisy. She pressed play and bounced in her seat waiting for How to Train Your Dragon 2 to start. Xan sat between Jay's legs, leaning back against his chest while the movie played. Jenny and Jay were texting each other to continue their conversation without disturbing Daisy and Xan as they were engrossed in the movie. Near the midpoint of the movie Xan got himself up, picked up the diaper bag and went out of the room.

"Sweetie? Are you okay?" Jay asked a little surprised.

"Mhmm." Xan nodded.

Jay got up and followed him upstairs to the bathroom.

"Why didn't you say you needed a change sweetie?"

"Did''t wan' to say inf'ont of Daisy..." Xan said feeling a little shy.

"She wouldn't mind sweetie, she's your friend." Jay patted Xan's back.

"But i's embarrassin'... to say..." Xan said starting to blush.

"Oh Xan, you sweet boy you." Jay cuddled him tight. "Okay, lay down sweetie, let's get you freshened up."

After a brief change and clean up, they settled back downstairs, this time on the sofa. Jay got comfy while Xan stood and waited until Jay was in position, then climbed next to him and laid his head in Jays lap. 

"I paused it so you didn't miss any Xan." Daisy smiled at him.

Xan smiled sweetly at Daisy. "Thaannkks."

The movie resumed and the room was settled again. After the movie had finished Jay stretched and looked over at Daisy who was looking very tired.

"We're going to make a move girls, thankyou very much for dinner and for the movie."

"Ah it was lovely having you two." Jenny smiled. "Good timing too, I think a certain miss is ready for bed." 

"Hmm? Im only a little bit tired." Daisy lied.

Xan sat up, stretched and rubbed his eyes. 

"I think someone else might be ready for bed soon." Jay said signaling to Xan.

"Not me." Xan said with tired eyes.

Jenny and Jay chuckled. They all said their goodbyes and the boys left. Xan popped his paci into the diaper bag Jay was carrying on his shoulder, then Jay held onto Xan's hand as they walked down the road. But Xan was lagging behind a sure sign the little man was getting tired, so Jay scooped him up and carried him the rest of the way to the car.

"I can walk." Xan protested feeling a little shy being in public.

"I know sweetie, but its late and noone will see. Plus I like carrying my little boy." Jay reasoned. 

As soon as he was sat in his seat Jay handed him Bear. Xan's smile was so genuine seeing his stuffed friend and cuddling Bear made the journey go past in a blur. Jay grabbed the diaper bag and unbuckled Xan from his seat. Inside, Jay took Xan's shoes off for him and tidied them away for his sleepy boy. Xan's eyes were starting to feel heavy by now, Jay was getting rather sleepy too.

"Cuddle chair?" Xan mumbled.

"Of course baby, we can go cuddle for a bit, then we'll go to bed yeah?" 

Xan nodded, rubbing his eyes. He turned and walked up the stairs towards the playroom, with Jay following closely behind him. As they got to the playroom, Jay scooped Xan up spinning him around. He giggled loudly, it made him feel so happy when Jay did silly things like that. Jay flicked on the radio quietly for background noise and sat in the cuddle chair, holding Xan in his lap. Xan let out a sigh of relief, enjoying the comfort and safety of Jay. He lay his head on Jay's shoulder, snuggling close and breathing in Jays masculine scent. 

"Jay." He quietly hummed. to himself.

Jay lay his head on Xan's, cuddling his boy tightly. They sat holding each other for a while, but Jay knew Xan was tired and so decided it was time to get ready for bed.

"Up we go cuddle bug, let's get ready for bed then we can cuddle again."

Xan stood clutching Bear in one hand and rubbing his tired eyes with his other, while Jay laid out the changing supplies. He looked up at the unbelievable cuteness infront of him and held his arms out to him.


	12. A Stressful Day, A Little Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A busy day for Xan, leaves him quite stressed

"Now Xan I know you are stressed because of your deadline and your appointment this morning, but you must promise me that you won't exercise today okay?" Jay said meaning business. 

Xan looked anxious and a little distressed. He didn't want to disobey Jay, but it would be difficult today. Exercise always helped him wind down from being stressed. He was starting to feel overwhelmed and Jay knew it, he cuddled his boy tightly.

"I'm sorry sweetie, but i'm standing firm on this. We will go for a run when I get home." Jay kissed Xan softly on the lips, briefly calming him. "Do you promise?"

Xan looked into Jay's eyes and nodded.

"I need to hear you say it sweetie."

"I promise." Xan said and he meant it.

"Call me anytime, okay?" Jay said kissing Xan once more. "I love you, see you later."

"I love you too." Xan hugged Jay one last time.

With that Jay was off to work. Leaving Xan to his artwork and the looming deadline. Luckily Xan had put the hours in during the week and only had some final details to finish, along with the delivery and of course his appointment with Dr Taylor. The delivery was always Xan's most stressful part of any project, his social anxiety would always make speaking to the clients and anyone involved difficult for him. 

Xan worked away all morning until just after midday, but finally they were all finished and ready for delivery. He washed and changed into his more formal dress, now he was ready for his appointment. It would be a busy afternoon for Xan, he was first off to Dr Taylors, then on to present his artwork to the client. He wouldn't have time afterwards to go home, so he had to take his artwork into the doctors office with him.

Lastly before left, he texted Jay letting him know he was on his way to his first appointment. As he got to the front door, he turned to face the mirror in the hallway.

"You can do this, you are confident and you are ready." He told himself.

The little pep talk always helped a little to calm his nerves, with a final deep breath he was off. 

  
Jay smiled at his phone as he read the text from Xan. He felt just as proud as Xan did when the younger man finished a project.

_Great job sweetie. Ring me when you've had the meeting, remember deep breaths and count slowly if you need to. Proud of you x_

A couple of hours later the phone rang.

"Hi Sweetie, how did it go?"

"I.. er.. I think it w..went o. okay. The Dr's was go..od and... er.. t the." Xan stammered, his anxiety levels were high and you could hear it in his voice.

"Okay, good. Now, deep breath for me. In through your nose, count to 4 and then out through your mouth." Jay said calmly.

Xan listened and followed his instructions. 

"Good, feeling a little better?" 

"Yeah, it was just.. there was a lot of people in there... and I had to.. you know speak infront of them all." Xan explained a little.

"Thats good though, you managed to do it even though it was scary. You did well sweetie. Are you going home now?" 

"Yeah I was going to walk b..but I forgot my headphones. So I called a taxi."

"Ok good, I don't think you should walk all that way sweetie. When you get home just relax for a little bit okay? I should be home in a few short hours, then we can go for that run." Jay knew Xan wanted to jog home because the exercise would make him feel better, but he needed to limit his exercise. Doctor Taylors orders.

When the taxi pulled up at home, Xan paid the driver and practically sprinted to the door. he shut the door behind him and let out a big sigh of relief. With his shoes and jacket tidied away, he sprinted upstairs to find Bear. He found Bear sitting on the bed waiting for him with his signiture, static smile. When Xan looked at Bear's smiling face it never failed to make him happy and forget all his worries, even if it was only for a brief moment. Xan fell onto the bed, holding Bear close he curled up and cuddled him tightly.

"I missed you Bear." He told his soft white friend. "I sent those paintings off that I did, are you sleepy? I think we could have a nap."

After texting Jay a picture of him and Bear and letting him know he got home safe, he said they would have a little nap. Xan kicked off his trousers and threw off his formal shirt into a crumpled pile on the floor. 

_Have a good sleep sweetie, you earned it.Look after Bear xx_

 

"My god that's cute, one day that boy's going to kill me... cuteness overload." Jay muttered to himself.

Jay was sat in the cafeteria, getting some much needed refreshent. It had been a busy day, the hospital had a high number of patients and everyone was rushed off their feet.

"Hey you! I haven't seen you all week." Tina called out as she walked over to Jay's table.

"Hi!" Jay stood and hugged Tina. "Yeah it's been a busy week, right?"

Just as they were getting into their conversation and talking about their plans for the coming weekend, they were both called away to patients.

"We'll have to have a proper catchup, go out for dinner or something?" Tina suggested as she was dragged off before Jay could answer.

The rest of Jay's shift flew by, well for him at least. Back at home Xan was getting antsy, the clock seemed to be ticking by slower and slower and all he wanted was to go for his run, but 6 o'clock seemed to be taking forever. He had napped, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned all of the windows and even tried relaxing on the sofa, but of course he couldn't get comfy or sit still for more than a few minutes. Finally at half past 5 he decided to get ready, he changed out of his rather wet diaper and into a more slim fitting discreet one. Then over the top he wore his exercise shorts and threw on a fitted tshirt. He checked himself out in the mirror, mostly to make sure his diaper wasn't overly visible as he would be going outside. 

"Xan, i'm home!" Jay called from downstairs.

Xan's head snapped round, a large smile spreading across his face. "I'm upstairs!" He called back. 

Finally it was time to exercise, Xan could feel his body practically fizzing at the prospect. He was tying his hair up into a secure bun as Jay walked into the bedroom. 

Jay cuddled Xan from behind. "Hi cutie pie, looks like someone's all ready to go."

Xan giggled, looking at Jay in the mirror. "Yeah I can't wait any longer."

"I thought that might be the case. I had better get changed then." Jay smiled and kissed Xan on the cheek.

Jay changed into to work out clothes and dug around in the wardrobe for his running shoes. 

"Oh by the way, we aren't going to the park."

"We're not?" Xan asked a little confused.

"Nope, I thought we could go to the running track." Jay smiled as he did up his laces.

Xan's eyes lit up, he was both excited and nervous. He had never run on a track before, but it did look fun. Jay and Xan walked the short distance to the university, where Jay had been given access to use their field. Xan looked around at the neatly kept field and the bright orange running track. Luckily for Xan there was noone else about, which would keep his anxieties at bay. The two stretched out before their run, with Xan still looking around.

"Ready?" Jay smiled holding his hand out to Xan. "We've only got 40 minutes mister okay? When I say it's time to stop, we stop." 

Xan smiled and nodded and with that they were off. They jogged the first lap together.

"Okay I'm warm, want to run now?" Jay asked.

"Yeah, let's go!" 

Xan accelerated into a sprint, with Jay matching him. Xan felt so free, the wind blowing through the whisps of his hair, his heart pumping in his chest, all that mattered in this moment was one foot infront of the other. He gasped for air and his legs muscles pumped away. After two more laps, Jay started to fall behind. He was in no way out of shape, but Xan had more of an endurance than he was used to. On lap four Xan was closing up to Jay. He pumped his legs as fast as he could to catch him. Another half lap and he wrapped his arms around Jays waist making Jay chuckle as they came to a stop.

"You win sweetie." Jay said as he gasped for air. He turned to face Xan and cuddled him. "So fast... phew!"

Xan giggled and panted. "How long do we have left?" He managed to say as he gasped for breath.

"Another 10 minutes or so..." 

"Can we keep going?"

"You go sweetie, I'll sit this one out." Jay said and leaned down to kiss him. "Go quick though, time's ticking." Jay smiled.

Xan gave Jay a quick peck on the lips and sprinted off. Jay sat at the edge of the track and watched as the younger man enjoyed his run. It made him so happy, but Jay knew it could be dangerous to let him run until his hearts content. But once every other week or so could make his little one even happier. He looked at his watch then back to Xan, the smile on his face made it hard to tell him time was almost up. 

Xan slowed and looked at Jay as he got closer to him, asking how long left without speaking. 

"One last lap." Jay called out to him.

The smile widened on Xan's face, he nodded to Jay and sprinted off as fast as his legs could carry him. It was exhilarating for him, but all good things must come to an end. He ran past the start finish line and stopped close to Jay, putting his hands on his hips and gasping for air. He leant his head back and closed his eyes. 

Jay stood up and hugged his boy. "Your heart is pumping so fast." He smiled at Xan. "Did you have a good time?"

"Yeah." Xan breathed out as he wiped his brow.

"Let's get a drink of water and sit for a minute. Then when you're ready we can go home." 

Xan nodded and Jay guided him over to the water fountain near the changing rooms. They took a much needed drink and sat on the grass, while Xan caught his breath. Jay couldn't help but smile, seeing Xan's face when he was running really made him happy. 

"So would you like to come again?" Jay asked.

"Tomorrow?" Xan's eyes lit up.

"No sweetie, you know we can't do it everyday sorry. But we could do it once a week." 

Xan was a little dishearted, but he knew realistically he wouldn't be allowed to do it as much as he would like. He agreed to once a week and hugged Jay.

"Thankyou. I really had fun." Xan said as they started to walk home.

"You're welcome sweetie."

As they got home Xan tidied their shoes away and pulled Jay by the hand up the stairs. He led Jay to the bathroom and stripped off infront of him, turning to him with that mischievous smirk. Jay's eyes widened, his heart started to beat faster. He clumsily pulled at his shirt and shorts, throwing them vaguely towards the laundry hamper. Before holding Xan close and kissing him deeply.

"You're so beautiful." Jay told Xan, meaning it with all his heart.

Xan blushed and looked down, Jay leaned in to kiss his neck making Xan let out a little moan and wrap his arms around Jay's neck. Jay pulled the shower curtain closed behind them and turned on the water.

 

Jay twisted the tap, turning the shower off, pulled the curtain aside and grabbed some towels. 

"Here sweetie." Jay said draping a towel over Xan's shoulders.

"Thankyouuu." Xan chuckled.

They dried off and Xan went to leave, but turned back when Jay wasn't following. 

"Go ahead sweetie, i'm just going to have a shave." Jay smiled.

Xan went off to the bedroom to use the hair dryer. Jay hummed to himself as he shaved his face, making sure to get every hair. He could hear Xan using the hair dryer in the next room. 'I'm going to be sore tomorrow' he thought to himself as he felt a twinge in his lower legs. Just as he was washing the sink clean and finishing drying himself, a quiet voice came from the next room.

"Daddy?"

Jay smiled brightly, he knew Xan would fall into littlespace tonight and he was eagerly awaiting it. Jay wrapped his towel around his waist and walked to the bedroom. He was greeted by Xan still naked sat cross legged on the end of the bed, sucking his thumb and rubbing his eyes with his other hand.

"Hey baby boy, are you okay?" 

"W'ere's Bear?" The little one asked.

"I think he's downstairs sweetie, let's get you dressed and then we'll go find him." Jay said lifting his bare boy up.

Xan was whisked onto the change mat and taped up into a fresh bambino diaper. Jay let him pick which onesie he wanted and Xan chose the animal print onesie Jay first brought him. He was helped into his onesie with Jay doing up the snaps over his diaper, then lastly a pair of colourful fuzzy socks were slipped onto his feet. He carried Xan back to the bedroom and sat him on the bed.

"I'll just throw on some clothes little one." Jay smiled and popped a paci in Xan's mouth.

Jay threw on some underwear, a tshirt and his comfy jogging bottoms. Xan scoothed forward off the bed and started to wander off to find Bear, but looking back to check if Jay was coming with him. 

Jay smiled. "I'm right behind you sweetie." Reassuring his tentative little.

Bear was sitting on the sofa with his smiling face waiting for Xan to arrive. Xan came around the corner, with Jay following behind and his face lit up as Bear came into view. His smile made Jay smile, seeing the happy innocence of his boy being reunited with his trusty companion. Xan hopped up on the sofa and cuddled Bear, Jay walked past and patted Xan on the head.

"I'll get us a drink sweetie." He said with a smile.

Jay came back setting his coffee on the table, holding a bottle of juice for Xan. But instead of handing it to him, he wanted to try something as Xan was feeling so little. He sat next to Xan on the sofa and patted his lap, Xan was all too happy to oblige and quickly shuffled himself over to huddle in his favourite place to snuggle. Jay pulled out Xan's paci as he laid his head on Jay's chest and he held the bottle up to Xan's lips. Xan held Bear and leant on Jay as he nursed from the bottle. Jay smiled warmly as he wrapped his arm around Xan holding him close.

"My sweet boy." He smiled, placing a kiss to the top of Xan's head.

Xan and Jay snuggled for a little while, until it was time to make some dinner. Jay knew Xan would be in his littlespace for most of the weekend and was happy for it. So he helped him out with making some dinner, to keep him settled in his headspace. As they made a simple chicken and rice dish, there were lots of tickles and giggles, making it one of the funnest dinners they had ever made. Jay even had Xan sit on his lap while they ate dinner together, usually Xan was the one vying for cuddles but it seemed like tonight Jay was the one hungering for attention.


End file.
